First, you should read our overview article about the basics of converting to Judaism. In particular, be aware that different streams of Judaism have different requirements and standards, and that communal norms vary from country to country. So if it’s important to you that your conversion be recognized in a specific place, such as Israel or the United Kingdom, or in a particular community, you will want to ensure that your conversion process follows its standards. You may also want to do some research to ensure that the rabbi or institution with whom you are working is widely respected and that his or her conversions are widely recognized.

Regardless of which type of conversion they ultimately undergo, most prospective Jews by choice get started by enrolling in Introduction to Judaism or Judaism 101 classes, which are frequently offered at synagogues, Jewish community centers and other Jewish institutions.

For assistance finding such classes near where you live, you may want to:

• Contact your local Jewish federation or Jewish community center.
• Review the Reform movement’s list of upcoming Introduction to Judaism courses here. The movement also offers an online version of this class.
• Check out the Conservative movement’s list of upcoming conversion classes here.
• Contact a local Orthodox congregation or rabbi and ask which class they recommend for prospective converts. Click here for your nearest Orthodox Union -affiliated synagogue To find your nearest Chabad-Lubavitch congregation, click here.
• If you are in Israel, click here for more information about the conversion process there.
• For information about non-Orthodox conversions in Europe visit the World Union for Progressive Judaism site.
• It is also possible now to take classes online — and even go through the entire conversion process online. However, many communities, particularly in Europe, do not recognize online conversions.

If you know of other class directories not listed here, leave information in the comments or email community@myjewishlearning.com.

Are you considering conversion to Judaism? Sign up here for a special email series that will guide you through everything you need to know.

The post Converting to Judaism: How to Get Started appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

Jewish Organizations

Jewish Federation Finder 
A Jewish federation is the central Jewish philanthropy in most communities, raising and allocating funds for a wide range of programs and agencies. Most Jewish federations can help you locate other Jewish institutions, such as schools, summer camps, social service providers, synagogues and senior homes in your community. Many can also help you find Jewish businesses, such as kosher restaurants and Jewish funeral homes, in your area.

Jewish Community Center Finder 
Jewish community centers, often referred to as JCCs or as “Jewish Ys” offer a range of facilities, classes and programs. They welcome non-Jewish, as well as Jewish, members.

Jewish Publications
In most cities with a sizable Jewish populations, at least one local Jewish newspaper is published weekly or monthly. For national or international Jewish news, we recommend you visit our partner site JTA. Note that this directory, maintained by the American Jewish Press Association, does not contain contact information and also lists the names of local Jewish freelance journalists.

Synagogues

To learn more about the various denominations, also known as streams or movements, of Judaism, read our Guide to Jewish Denominations.

Chabad-Lubavitch Directory 
Chabad, a Hasidic group that emphasizes outreach to Jews of all backgrounds, operates Jewish institutions in more locations around the world than any other single organization. Its local representatives (known as shluchim, or emissaries) often help tourists and other visitors find kosher food and hospitality for Shabbat and Jewish holidays.

Find a Reform Congregation
Directory of synagogues affiliated with the Reform movement.

Find a Conservative Congregation
Directory of synagogues affiliated with the Conservative movement.

Find an Orthodox (non-Chabad) Congregation and Mikveh
Directory of synagogues and mikvehs (also known as mikve’ot) affiliated with the Orthodox Union.

Find a Reconstructionist Congregation
Directory of synagogues affiliated with the Reconstructionist movement.

Find a Secular Humanistic Jewish Community
Directory of groups affiliated with the Society for Humanistic Judaism.

Did we miss an important resource? Email us at community@myjewishlearning.org, or leave the information in the comments section below.

Are you considering conversion to Judaism? Sign up here for a special email series that will guide you through everything you need to know.

The post How to Find Jewish Resources Near You appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

Although we joke that we should advise people to read every article on our site, the fact is that Judaism is a huge and overwhelming topic. And the problem is not a shortage of readily available information. Rather, it’s that there are so many articles, resources and books out there that it is difficult to know where and how to begin. Not to mention that books vary greatly in quality.

We still encourage you to read the articles on My Jewish Learning. However, we know that sometimes you want a good old-fashioned book that you can hold in your hands, snuggle up with at bedtime and read from start to finish. So we asked a bunch of Jewish educators to recommend the best Introduction to Judaism/Judaism 101 books out there. The most popular suggestions are listed below, in order of the most recently published/updated. Did we miss a great book, or do you have feedback about one of the books we listed? Email us at community@myjewishlearning.com or comment below.

1) Here All Along: Finding Meaning, Spirituality, and a Deeper Connection to Life — in Judaism (2019) by Sarah Hurwitz

2) My Jewish Year: 18 Holidays, One Wandering Jew (2018) by Abigail Pogrebin

3)Essential Judaism: A Complete Guide to Beliefs, Customs and Rituals (Updated in 2016) by George Robinson

4) Judaism’s 10 Best Ideas: A Brief Guide for Seekers (2014) by Arthur Green

5) Living Judaism: The Complete Guide to Jewish Belief, Tradition and Practice (Reprinted in 2010) by Wayne Dosick

6) Jewish Literacy: The Most Important Things to Know about the Jewish Religion, Its People and Its History (Updated in 2008) by Joseph Telushkin

7) Living a Jewish Life: Jewish Traditions, Customs and Values for Today’s Families (Updated in 2007) by Anita Diamant

8) A Book of Life: Embracing Judaism as a Spiritual Practice (2006) by Michael Strassfeld

9) The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Understanding Judaism (Updated in 2003) by Benjamin Blech

10) It’s a Mitzvah: Step-By-Step to Jewish Living (1995) by Bradley Shavit Artson

11) To Life! A Celebration of Jewish Being and Thinking (1994) by Harold Kushner

12) The Jewish Way: Living the Holidays (1993) by Irving Greenberg

Are you considering conversion to Judaism? Sign up here for a special email series that will guide you through everything you need to know.

The post 12 Great Introduction-to-Judaism Books appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

Because of the potential consequences both to the convert’s psyche and to the Jewish people — particularly at times when conversion to Judaism was banned by the ruling powers — rabbis have always urged conversion candidates to carefully consider their own motivations. The Talmud, in fact, states that the first question that the beit din — the rabbinic court that rules upon a conversion – -must ask of a potential convert concerns motivation, “Why should you wish to become a proselyte; do you not know that the people of Israel at the present time are persecuted and oppressed, despised, harassed, and overcome by afflictions?”

• Denominational Differences
• Learning/Study
• Circumcision
• Beit Din (Rabbinic Court)
• Mikveh (Ritual Bath)
• Hebrew Name 
• After You Convert

Denominational Differences

Because the different movements have such different visions of what constitutes a “good Jew,” the requirements for conversion can vary significantly among them. A traditional beit din, for example, expects a conversion to be based entirely upon the desire to become a Jew, whereas the liberal movements permit more latitude in a candidate’s initial motivation. Many liberal rabbis will perform a conversion for the sake of an upcoming marriage, reasoning that exposure to Judaism in the context of an intimate relationship is likely to inspire such a convert to eventually accept Judaism for its own sake. Even the process of conversion is a matter of contention among the movements. Whereas traditional rabbis expect the candidate to undergo all rabbinically prescribed rituals, liberal rabbis may use rituals more selectively (although circumcision is a nearly universal requirement). Even within certain movements, there are often differences from one country to another, so if you are expecting to relocate to another country, you may want to make sure your conversion meets the standards of the Jewish community there. It is also wise to ensure that the rabbi or institution with which you are studying is widely respected and that other rabbis and institutions recognize their conversions.

Steps Towards Conversion

Learning/Study   

Conversion candidates are urged to learn as much as possible about Jewish religion and culture, to seek out a variety of Jewish experiences, and to talk to a rabbi early in the process. Many people start by enrolling in Introduction to Judaism or Judaism 101 classes, which are frequently offered at synagogues, Jewish community centers and other Jewish institutions. For assistance finding such classes near where you live, you may want to:

• Contact your local Jewish federation or Jewish community center.
• Review the Reform movement’s list of upcoming Introduction to Judaism courses here,
• Check out the Conservative movement’s list of upcoming conversion classes here.
• Contact a local Orthodox congregation or rabbi and ask which class they recommend for prospective converts. Click here for your nearest Orthodox Union -affiliated synagogue To find your nearest Chabad-Lubavitch congregation, click here.
• If you are in Israel, click here for more information about the conversion process there.
• For information about non-Orthodox conversions in Europe visit the World Union for Progressive Judaism site.
• It is also possible now to take classes online — and even go through the entire conversion process online. However, many communities, particularly in Europe, do not recognize online conversions.

If you know of other class directories not listed here, leave information in the comments or email community@myjewishlearning.com.

When both candidate and rabbi agree that the time for conversion has arrived, and the candidate is ready, the formal conversion procedure begins.

Circumcision

If the candidate is male, the first step in a traditional conversion is to undergo brit milah, or circumcision, or if already circumcised, hatafat dam brit [ritual extraction of a drop of blood]. Reform and Reconstructionist rabbis may offer the candidate a choice about hatafat dam brit if he is already circumcised.

Beit Din (Rabbinic Court)

Once the circumcision has healed, a beit din is assembled. This three-person court, generally comprising at least one rabbi and two other observant Jews knowledgeable about the laws of conversion, has sole authority to rule on the convert’s readiness for conversion. The beit din explores a candidate’s sincerity by evaluating his or her knowledge, motivation, and intent to live as a Jew. For traditional Jews, a convert must assent to kabbalat ol ha-mitzvot, acceptance of the yoke of the commandments, that is, a willingness to accept the validity and often to commit to the performance of the Jewish commandments. Liberal rabbis usually ask only for a commitment to perform selected commandments.

Mikveh (Ritual Bath)

Once the beit din is assured of the candidate’s sincerity, the candidate usually immerses in the ritual pool, or mikveh, if available, or else in a lake or the ocean, or, in some cases, a swimming pool [however, only certain non-Orthodox authorities allow a pool].

The mikveh water is symbolic of the in-between state, or liminality, of the convert, who is undergoing what amounts to a spiritual rebirth. The immersion, known as tevillah, symbolically cleanses the convert of past misdeeds and prepares the convert for a different future and destiny. Following immersion, the candidate is officially considered a Jew and can legitimately recite the blessing for immersion that includes the words “who has sanctified us with the commandments.”

Hebrew Name

The newborn Jew takes on a Hebrew name, but a given name only is not sufficient to locate a person within the Jewish tradition. When Jews sign legal documents or are called up to the Torah, their parents’ names are appended to their Hebrew names to locate them in Jewish spiritual space. A convert traditionally adopts Abraham and Sarah as spiritual parents and in legal situations is referred to as “ben Avraham Avinu,” “son of our Father, Abraham,” or “bat Sarah Imenu,” “daughter of our Mother, Sarah.”

READ: 10 Questions About Conversion to Judaism You Were Afraid to Ask

READ: So You Want to Convert to Judaism …

READ: Conversion to Judaism, Denomination by Denomination

After You Convert

Even for the most sincere converts, the post-conversion period can be challenging, as the new Jews-by-choice reestablish relationships with their birth families, develop new ones with newly acquired Jewish families, and work to bridge the emotional gap between feeling like “a convert” and being a Jew who truly feels part of am Yisrael, the Jewish people. With patience, persistence, and a realization that the process is one of evolution, not revolution, the convert acquires that combination of knowledge, habit, and subculture that constitutes an enduring Jewish identity.

The post How to Convert to Judaism appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

Scroll down for a video on converting to Judaism.Find an introduction to Judaism class here.

About Conversion

Even the Talmudic rabbis understood that a transformation of such magnitude as conversion had to be motivated by sincere conviction, what they termed “for the sake of Heaven.” In fact, the rabbis did not accept conversions to accommodate another’s wishes or of to achieve social or economic gain. Many contemporary rabbis, however, allow conversions for the sake of marriage, holding that many such converts eventually evolve into sincere Jews.

Conversion History

The history of conversion reflects the treatment of Jews by surrounding cultures, moving between active proselytizing and passive acceptance of converts as the majority culture becomes more and less hospitable to Jews. In the biblical period outsiders joined the Israelite nation via assimilation; the beginning of formal conversion history awaited the evolution of the nationalist God of the Torah to the universal God of the prophets as well as the move from the sacrificial Temple cult to the portable religion of prayer and study developed by the rabbis.

With a God who could now be worshipped outside the land of Israel, the stage was set for a period of more active proselytizing that culminated in a Roman empire that was 10 percent Jewish by the beginning of the Christian era.

Later, when Christian and then Muslim authorities made conversion to Judaism illegal, Jews turned inward, focusing on careful observance of God’s law and left the initiation of the conversion process to the potential converts themselves. The attitude of mistrust and even dissuasion of potential converts from this period became the Jewish “tradition” when enshrined in the medieval Jewish law codes. The emancipation set the stage for a reconsideration of the appropriate boundaries between Jews and non-Jews.

Conversion Process: Idea to Realization

The “birth” of a new Jew through conversion mirrors the process by which the Israelites became God’s people and accepted God’s covenant at Sinai: Circumcision, which male Israelites underwent before leaving Egypt, and immersion, which parallels the ritual cleansing performed by all Israelites at Sinai, are the sine qua non rituals of the conversion process. Full responsibility for every conversion rests in a three-person beit din, or rabbinic court, which searches out candidates’ motivations, ascertains their knowledge of Judaism, and approves the conversions.

Contemporary Issues in Conversion

Because conversion requirements set the standard for who can legitimately be considered a Jew, disagreements between the denominations/movements on this issue have serious consequences for Jewish unity. Orthodox rabbis will generally not accept conversions performed by the liberal movements, who they believe do not fulfill all rabbinic requirements for conversion. Liberal rabbis, however, will usually accept any conversion performed under the auspices of a Jewish movement.

In Israel the “Who is a Jew?” issue is complicated because the Orthodox rabbinate controls all conversions. Another contemporary issue is the legitimacy of active outreach that some liberal rabbis are promoting as a response to assimilation and intermarriage — both to non-Jewish spouses in intermarriages and to the larger public.

The post Conversion 101 appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

Still at the Thinking Stage

If you are considering becoming Jewish too, here are some suggestions for you as you explore Judaism a step at a time.

Consider why you are thinking about conversion.

People choose to become Jewish for many different reasons. Some came to Judaism after a long spiritual search. Many people who eventually convert had their interest sparked because of a romantic relationship with someone Jewish. Among the reasons most given by people who do convert are that:

1.        Judaism has sensible religious beliefs.

2.        Becoming Jewish allows the convert to share the faith of the partner.

3.        Becoming Jewish makes the family religiously united.

4.        Becoming Jewish will make it easier for children by giving them a clear religious identity.

Think about your own reasons. Remember, conversion must be your own free choice, not done because of pressure, but out of a genuine desire to embrace Judaism.

Learn as much as you can about Judaism.

Some reading suggestions are included in the bibliography on conversion.

Go to lectures, take introductory courses on Judaism that are offered by many colleges and Jewish congregations, and talk to some Jewish friends. Remember that Judaism has an important ethnic component. You are joining a people, not just a religion, and so need to learn about different aspects of Jewish culture and about Israel [and the Holocaust].

See if Judaism’s basic beliefs and practices make sense to you.

Remember, though, that Judaism is a faith of good deeds [and other ritual observances], not forced creeds. There is more concern in Judaism that you act morally than that you have specific beliefs [at least among liberal Jews]. All Jews share a passion to make the world a better place. It is difficult to provide a brief summary of basic Judaism. To get you started, though, here are some general Jewish beliefs that are widely held among Jews:

1.        Judaism introduced the world to the idea that God is one, not many, and is kind, loving, and personal. In Judaism, you pray directly to God and can receive help, guidance, and understanding. You can pray on your own and with a prayer community in a Jewish congregation. Judaism accepts the idea of a covenant, or agreement, between God and the Jewish people.

2.        Judaism doesn’t accept the idea that people are born evil. Rather, people have free will to choose between right and wrong.

3.        Judaism encourages religious freedom of thought. Judaism welcomes probing spiritual questions.

4.        Judaism has, for 4,000 years, emphasized a strong sense of family and the value of a close community.

Experience Judaism as it is lived.

Visit a Jewish congregation to sample a service or attend a Jewish ceremony, such as a Passover seder or a Sabbath meal. While ritual practices vary greatly among American Jews, all Jews have some rituals that, for example, celebrate the Jewish holidays and the Jewish family. If different sorts of Jewish institutions are near you, such as a Jewish bookstore, museum, YM-YWHA, community center, and so on, try to visit them.

Talk about your thoughts and feelings with your partner, your friends, and your family.

It is important, for example, to discuss your feelings openly. It is common to experience some moments of doubt or fear of the unknown. It is also vital that you stay in touch with your birth family. Converting to Judaism does not mean you are abandoning your family, your friends, or your fond memories of past family life. When discussing conversion with your family, explain your reasons to them directly and tell them of your continuing love. Most families are supportive, often to the surprise of the person converting. Some families, however, do need reassurance and to have their questions answered patiently. There are also, sadly, some families, who see the conversion as an abandonment.

Talk to a rabbi.

At some point in learning about Judaism, preferably as early as possible but especially as you get more serious about actually becoming Jewish, you should talk to a rabbi. As you study and learn about Judaism, you will read about different religious movements within Judaism. There are rabbis for each of these movements, so it is important to study and understand the differences among the various branches. For example, the Orthodox movement does not generally recognize conversions performed by non-Orthodox rabbis. Additionally, different movements may have different conversion requirements.

When You Think You’re Ready

Here are some typical steps to take in order to convert to Judaism:

Find a rabbi.

Some traditional rabbis may actively discourage potential converts by turning them away three times. This is a test of how sincere the would-be convert is in wishing to become Jewish. Other rabbis are more welcoming right from the initial contact.

Study.

After finding a rabbi, there is a period of study to learn such matters as Jewish beliefs, rituals, and prayers. This study might involve working directly with a rabbi or study in a conversion or introduction-to-Judaism class.

Consider circumcision.

Orthodox and Conservative rabbis require a male candidate for conversion to have a circumcision (or a symbolic one, if a circumcision has already been performed). Reform Judaism does not require a circumcision.

Immerse in a mikveh.

Orthodox, Conservative, and some Reform rabbis require all candidates for conversion to go to a ritual bath called a mikveh. The candidate is immersed in water and says some prayers.

Appear before a beit din (rabbinic court).

The candidate for conversion appears before a beit din, or religious court, consisting of three learned people [usually at least one is a rabbi, and for Orthodox Jews, all three must be ritually observant] to see that all the steps of the conversion process have been done properly [and to question the candidate on motivations, knowledge, and intentions].

Choose a Hebrew name.

Sometimes there is a public ceremony celebrating the conversion.

In looking for a rabbi, you can, in addition to just asking around or looking in the phone book, contact your local board of rabbis, Jewish Federation, Jewish Community Council, or Jewish Family Service for a suggestion. You can contact the various religious movements directly.

Conversion is a challenge, but almost all those who have gone through it describe it as exciting, as a time of real personal and spiritual growth, and as a time of intensified feelings of love and closeness to family.

Now it is your time to consider. The Jewish community stands ready to welcome you.

Reprinted with permission from www.convert.org/.

The post How To Decide If You Should Convert to Judaism appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

I was in a park across the street from my yeshiva on the first day of classes feeling totally out of place. In class, teachers peppered their lectures with biblical terms and Hebrew slang I had never heard before. My peers eagerly contributed to discussions, revealing a foundational knowledge of Torah and Jewish law I didn’t possess.

While I sat in the park, familiar thoughts creeped back into my mind.

“You will always be the one who knows the least in Jewish spaces.”
“You’re less Jewish than they are because you didn’t go to Hebrew school or camp.”
“You can’t convert into a people. You’ll never really be Jewish.”

Those insecurities began during the conversion process. I was a college freshman in Chicago and had wanted to convert since I was 12. But still I worried I would never fit in as a Jew.

I began attending services and dinners at the Conservative synagogue in my neighborhood to get my fill of observant Jewish life. At 18, I was only the youngest in the room by a few years, but everyone else seemed light-years ahead of me. They were working toward doctorates, getting engaged, or buying condos while I was learning how to cook rice and mixing up laundry detergent and dish soap.

Even after I completed my conversion, those feelings lingered. Peers at Hillel made comments about how they’d never see me as Jewish or how my conversion was illegitimate. On the last night of my Birthright Israel trip, I listened as dozens of people talked about feeling closer to their heritage or how they felt walking the streets of Jerusalem knowing their ancestors had yearned for centuries to return to this city. I thought about how my ancestors had spent that time kneeling in pews in Ireland and how I was the only person in my family with the slightest desire to travel to Israel.

A few months later, I was at a Jewish student leadership conference. The presenter was affirming the organization’s commitment to pluralistic Jewish life, assuring the crowd of college students that whether they had one Jewish parent or two, they were welcomed members of the community.

I felt utterly defeated. I had spent years yearning to be part of the Jewish people, and at every turn I was reminded that I wasn’t born into my tribe.

A few weeks into the semester, the yeshiva organized a Shabbat gathering for students and teachers. After a grueling hike, 60 of us overtook a hostel in northern Israel and welcomed Shabbat with traditional services and dinner. Afterwards, a few students organized a tisch complete with whiskey, a singing circle, and song-sheets featuring Leonard Cohen and Debbie Friedman.

We stuck to the lyrics in front of us at first, until my classmates began taking turns standing up and bringing pieces of themselves to our gathering. Some led us through Yiddish songs while others shared their favorite teachings from Hasidic rabbis and Jewish feminists. We made toasts and jokes for hours.

The circle we sat in grew smaller as the night went on. After a few hours, there were only a few of us left. Someone stood up and taught us an old nigun. As the rest of us joined in, I closed my eyes and thought about how many people before me must have sung this nigun on a Friday night. Hundreds? Thousands?

I opened my eyes and looked around at my classmates, who were still singing and humming along. The week before, one had graciously invited me for Shabbat dinner at the last minute when they found out I had nowhere to go. Another had comforted me on a particularly rough day. With others, I had discovered new ways of reading ancient Jewish texts.

“These are my people,” I thought to myself.

For the first time, I was in a community of peers who took ritual observance and Torah study seriously, while also always being down to grab a beer or be a friend in times of need.

I still get embarrassed when I am called to the Torah and “bat Avraham v’Sarah” trails my Hebrew name, as is the custom for converts to Judaism. There are days I still feel lost in class.

But being part of a community my peers and I have built together has convinced me I was part of this tribe all along. I just needed time to find my people.

Are you considering conversion to Judaism? Sign up here for a special email series that will guide you through everything you need to know.

The post How I Came to Feel Part of the Jewish People appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

Usually — though not always — we join a family by being born into it. And while it may strike our ears as Christian, the motif of being “born again” is a central element of conversion to Judaism. In fact, the rabbis of the Talmud explicitly teach: “One who converts is like a newborn child.” (Yevamot 22a)

In many ways, this is a beautiful idea. It evokes a fresh start, full of potential. It allows the Jew-by-choice to become a full member of the Jewish people, metaphorically reborn from the waters of the mikveh as a descendant of the Jewish family. Concretizing this status, we generally refer to converts in religious contexts as the son/daughter of Abraham our father and Sarah our mother.”

But it’s not so simple. Even if Abraham and Sarah are the spiritual ancestors of converts, as they are of all Jews, Jews-by-choice also obviously have families of origin. They have real-life parents who are not the biblical Abraham and Sarah. Perhaps they have extended families as well, not to mention children of their own. If they become reborn into the Jewish family, how does that change the contours of their relationships with their non-Jewish families?

This tension — between familial ties to both the Jewish people and non-Jewish families of origin — is an ancient one. The rabbis of the Talmud struggled with the case of someone who had children and then converted (Yevamot 62a). One opinion asserts that that such a person has obviously fulfilled their religious obligation to have children. But another opinion disagrees. Since a convert is like a newborn child, prior family ties are dissolved and the convert must have more children to fulfill their obligation.

We may read the second opinion position as unduly harsh. How could one assert that a convert’s children are no longer actually their children? Yet there is severity in the other opinion as well. If a convert’s prior family ties are still completely intact, will their membership in the Jewish family be fully recognized?

We yearn for the best of both worlds — to honor the relationships between Jews-by-choice and their families of origin, while simultaneously affirming their ties to the Jewish family. Fortunately, that approach has deep roots in Jewish tradition as well.

Rabbi Joseph Caro, writing in his 16th-century code of Jewish law, the Shulchan Aruch, struggled with these same questions. Jewish law demands respect for parents. So is a convert obligated to honor their parents or not? Caro answers that Jews-by-choice are forbidden from mistreating their non-Jewish parents.

Caro could have justified this position by citing the talmudic opinion that a convert’s ties to their family of origin remain intact. But making that argument might weaken the convert’s standing as a member of the Jewish family, so he uses a different justification. Instead, he argues that the convert may not mistreat their non-Jewish parents because it makes no sense for conversion to allow them to treat their parents worse than they did before they were Jewish. Being Jewish should come with higher expectations of treating others with respect and honor, not less.

Further, Caro is careful with his language. He does not obligate the convert in the mitzvah of respecting one’s parents, but forbids them from demeaning their parents. With that change in wording, the Shulchan Aruch makes the argument about appropriate behavior instead of parental lineage, effectively honoring the convert’s connections to their non-Jewish relatives without undermining their family ties to the Jewish people.

This ought to serve as a model for all of us. We live in a world that none of these premodern sources imagined, where families are more multicultural and religiously heterogeneous than ever before. Today, many Jews have non-Jewish relatives, and questions about whom we consider to be our physical and spiritual family members loom large for many of us.

Thankfully, Jewish tradition offers us a path for honoring all of our family ties. It is not a simple path, but a winding trail that requires a bit of wandering and stumbling. Sometimes the convert may feel like — and be seen as — a full member of the Jewish family. Other times they may question whether they really belong. Sometimes they will feel lovingly connected to their families of origin; sometimes they will feel like newborn children, freed from prior family ties.

Jewish tradition has room for of all those twists and turns, and provides a model for wandering confidently hand-in-hand with our beloved family members, whether they are family by birth or by choice.

Rabbi Paula Rose is the assistant rabbi of Congregation Beth Shalom in Seattle, Washington. 

Are you considering conversion to Judaism? Sign up here for a special email series that will guide you through everything you need to know.

The post Converting to Judaism While Honoring Family Ties appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

Whatever the particulars, My Jewish Learning has you covered, with Hanukkah gift ideas designed to please all of the voluntary and honorary Members of the Tribe in your life.

Cookbooks

Amelia Saltsman’s The Seasonal Jewish Kitchen, Leah Koenig’s Modern Jewish Cooking and chef/restaurateur Michael Solomonov’s Zahav: A World of Israeli Cooking all offer traditional Jewish and Israeli standbys adapted to contemporary tastes and sensibilities. In the years since these cookbooks were released, each has become a kitchen staple.

If you’re looking to gift a cookbook that is fresh off the press, our partner site The Nosher compiled this list of 9 Jewish cookbooks that they love, including Paula Shoyer’s new title, The Instant Pot Kosher Cookbook, which includes 100 recipes that span the Jewish world. It’s also the first Instant Pot cookbook to feature exclusively kosher food.

Meatballs and Matzah Balls could also be of particular interest to Jewish newcomers since its author, Marcia Friedman, is a Jew by choice who combines Italian (she is half Sicilian) and Jewish cuisine in creative and tasty ways.

Other Kitchen Goodies

Maybe your Jewish newbie wants to make challah, but is a bit intimidated by the braiding. A silicon challah mold simplifies the process. Meanwhile, someone making the transition from Christmas cookies to Hanukkah cookies might appreciate a set of Hanukkah-themed cookie cutters.

Hanukkiahs, or Hanukkah Menorahs

What’s more fitting for Hanukkah than a Hanukkah menorah? Just make sure you give this one early in the holiday, so the recipient gets to use it this year.

A convenient option is a compact travel menorah, perfect for someone who wants to celebrate the holiday outside the home.

Kiddush Cups

For something flashy and unique (or for someone who is a bit germ-phobic), try a Kiddush Fountain, which pours the wine or grape juice into individual cups. We’re fond of this one, but Amazon and other retailers have a wide variety of styles and price points.

Challah Cover

FairTradeJudaica offers a wide variety of Judaica items produced by artisans across the world. These certified fair trade items, including this hand-embroidered challah cover, are not just beautiful, but you can rest easy knowing the workers received fair pay in safe conditions and that no child labor was used.

Shabbat Candlesticks

For something traditional and inexpensive, try these pewter ones, which, sensibly, come with a plate for catching the wax drippings.

Mezuzah

New York’s Jewish Museum and Modern Tribe both offer a vast selection of mezuzahs suitable for any budget or aesthetic. For something simple yet chic, this blue mezuzah is the way to go. If your friend recently converted and is a big fan of the midrash that says Jews by choice were also present at Mount Sinai, there’s a mezuzah for that, too. Bear in mind that most mezuzah cases do not come with a scroll, so you (or your recipient) will likely need to purchase that separately.

Jewelry

A silver Star of David is simple and matches everything, and this one is inexpensive. A custom-made Hebrew necklace is a great option for a Jew by choice who wants to wear their new Hebrew name with pride.

For vibrant small-batch Jewish jewelry, check out earrings, necklaces and other accessories from the Brooklyn-based Ariel Tidhar.

Clothing

On the internet, you can find Hanukkah-themed anything, including sweaters/sweatshirts and even adult-sized pajama onesies. If the person you’re shopping for also celebrates Christmas, ModernTribe has an entire section dedicated to Chrismukkah apparel.

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Explore Hanukkah’s history, global traditions, food and more with My Jewish Learning’s “All About Hanukkah” email series. Sign up to take a journey through Hanukkah and go deeper into the Festival of Lights.

The post Hanukkah Gift Ideas for Newcomers to Judaism appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

“Excuse me, are you Jewish?” one of them asks.

“No,” Chris responds.

“Have you ever considered Judaism for your spiritual needs?” the interloper continues, reaching into her satchel for a bunch of brochures, which she hands over to the bewildered homeowner. “We’re holding a class tomorrow night. Perhaps you’d like to stop by and see what we have to offer.”

This would never happen, right? One thing that has always set Jews apart from Christians and Muslims, something we point to with pride, is that Jews don’t push their religion on other people. Jews don’t tell non-Jews that they’re going to hell, that they’ll be denied salvation if they don’t accept the halachic yoke. Jews don’t proselytize.

But we sure used to. Most Jews today may not be aware of it, but Judaism has a long history of not only welcoming, but encouraging gentiles to become Jewish. From the day Abraham picked up a flint and performed his own circumcision, thus becoming Judaism’s first convert, ancient Israelites openly spread their teachings among the nations they encountered.

Jewish proselytizing was so successful, it’s estimated that by the first century C.E. fully 10 percent of the Roman Empire was Jewish, close to 8 million people.

“It’s an incredible number, and it means that the Jewish community was not meant to be this tiny, minuscule group,” notes Rabbi Lawrence Epstein, founder and president of the Conversion to Judaism Resource Center in Commack, N.Y.

Jews only stopped open proselytism because of pressure from Christian and then Muslim rulers, beginning in 407 C.E. when the Roman Empire outlawed conversion to Judaism under penalty of death. But the internal, theological impetus to be “a light unto the nations” (Isaiah 42:6) persisted through the centuries, albeit undercover, advancing and retreating along with Jewish fortunes in the Diaspora.

Now in 21st-century America, where Jews are a privileged minority openly practicing their religion, powerful in every area of political, social, and economic life, some rabbis and Jewish leaders are suggesting that it’s time to cast off the prohibition forced upon us by anti-Semites and return to our original universalistic mission. Judaism is a great religion, with much to offer today’s society. Why shouldn’t we make it more available to outsiders who might wish to join the tribe?

“I welcome the idea of freshening up the gene pool,” says San Francisco sociologist Gary Tobin, president of the Institute for Jewish and Community Research and author of Opening the Gates-How Proactive Conversion Can Revitalize the Jewish Community. “We’re doing a great mitzvah if we help make more Jews.”

What does “making more Jews” mean? Not just welcoming new converts once they convert, which virtually all Jewish leaders say they advocate, or being more open to inquiries from potential converts-here the Orthodox are more circumspect than the other denominations-but actually encouraging non-Jews to consider choosing Judaism.

Tobin calls it “proactive conversion,” the notion that Jews should stop playing hard-to-get and start issuing open invitations to spiritual seekers from outside the faith. Jews don’t need to go door-to-door or hold mass stadium rallies, he says, just open their eyes and realize there’s a growing number of non-Jews out there in America who are attracted to Judaism and who would, if given half a chance, make fine additions to the Jewish family.

“In America today,” Tobin notes, “people change religions all the time. Two out of every five Americans switch religions at least once.”

Proactive conversion isn’t a “magic bullet” for what ails the Jewish community, Tobin cautions. Education is key, for born Jews and for converts, so that every Jew is actively choosing Judaism.

Reprinted with permission from the July/August 2002 issue of Moment Magazine.

The post Try It, You’ll Like It: Should Jews Proselytize? appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

Biblical and Modern Israeli Names

Many of the names in the Bible are theophoric, meaning that they exalt God. Names with the prefixes or suffixes el, eli, ya, and yahu all refer to the Holy One: Elisha–God is my salvation; Raphael–God has healed; Gamliel–God is my reward.

Others describe the circumstances of birth or a person’s historical role. Chava, Hebrew for Eve, comes from the root word for “life,” chai. The name Isaac comes from the word for “laughter” because his mother laughed to learn she would bear a child at her advanced age. The Bible also contains many names that refer to the natural universe: Deborah–bee; Jonah–dove; Tamar–palm tree. Many modern Israeli names continue this tradition: Tal and Tali–dew; Alon or Alona–oak; Oren–fir tree.

READ: Check Out Our Jewish Name Finder

The lexicon of Hebrew names was not handed down from Mount Sinai; it has grown and changed throughout history and in response to local customs and fashions. Take, for example, the quintessentially Jewish name Esther, which is Persian in origin and shares its root with the fertility goddess, Ishtar. When the state of Israel was founded, in 1948, scores of new Hebrew names were invented and many old ones reclaimed. Your rabbi should be able to provide you with guidance, lists, even suggestions. Once you find one or two names that you especially like, you might ask the rabbi to help you find some texts about the biblical character or name you’ve selected.

Be Inspired by Your English Name

But you may not have to look any further than your own given name for inspiration. Some names translate beautifully. Regina or Gina, which means “queen,” can give rise to Malka, which also means “queen.” If your parents named you David, David (pronounced “Dah-veed“) can be your Hebrew name as well. The biblical precedent for this practice is clear: Ruth did not change her name.

Many converts follow the contemporary American custom of selecting a Hebrew name based on the initial letter or sound of their English name. Thus, Robert chooses Reuben, and Mary selects Miriam. But don’t feel obligated by an accident of the alphabet. Since Jewish babies are usually named after parents or grandparents, some converts choose a name to honor someone in their own lives. Some rabbis feel strongly that the person you honor should be a Jewish teacher or mentor, or even a historical figure you find inspiring.

But there’s no rule that you have to find an orthographic or historical connection between your name and your Hebrew name. This is an area of Jewish practice where there are few rules or customs, so find a name that feels right and has meaning for you. And you needn’t limit yourself to just one name; it is increasingly common to choose two or even three. It sounds very impressive to be called to the Torah as Sarah Ora Hadass bat Avraham v’Sarah.

Excerpted with permission from Choosing a Jewish Life: A Handbook for People Converting to Judaism and for Their Family and Friends (Schocken Books).

The post How to Pick a Hebrew Name appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

In reality, conversion candidates often struggle with what it means to feel “ready.” And while a new religious identity should never be taken on impulsively or haphazardly, waiting to feel fully ready can itself be harmful.

Conversion students may find themselves waiting for an “aha” moment that may never come or be comparing themselves to an external standard of religious understanding and behavior. Do I know enough? Is my practice at this moment where I want it to be forever? While these questions rattle around in the heads of many Jews, they can function as barriers to prospective converts who expect themselves to have clear answers and find themselves coming up short.

To be sure, Judaism does have expectations of prospective converts. But these expectations are less rigid than one might think.

The foundational text outlining the ancient rabbinic conversion process (Babylonian Talmud, Yevamot 47) imagines a Jewish court responding to a prospective convert with only two questions: What made you want to convert? And do you know that Jews are oppressed, despised and harassed? If the prospective convert answers satisfactorily, then the court — in the Talmud’s words — “accepts the convert immediately.”

Upon acceptance, there is some minimal education given. The court is to inform the convert of “some of the lenient commandments and some of the stringent ones.” (The Talmud singles out the commandment to feed the poor through the mechanisms of gleaning, forgotten sheaves and tithed corners of a field.) And of the punishments and rewards of observing mitzvot like kashrut and Shabbat.

But the main feeling of this experience is captured in the Talmud’s summary: “The judges do not overwhelm the student [with too much information], nor are they exacting about the minute details.” So long as the convert accepts these overarching principles, the court performs the required rites — mikveh immersion and circumcision (when appropriate) — after which time the convert is accepted as a Jew in all respects.

From this passage it becomes clear that there are a few things converts should feel and a few things they should know.

The main qualifying criteria for conversion is a desire to convert and a sense that the convert’s fate is bound up with the fate of the Jewish people. There doesn’t seem to be a right or wrong answer to the court’s first question, but being honest and reflective seems paramount. The second question asks potential converts if they are willing to throw their lot in with a people whose history is littered with discrimination and persecution. Before converting, the tradition expects this question to be answered with a yes.

There are also a few things the Talmud expects the convert to know before the conversion.

They should know that Judaism requires a commitment to those who are needy and vulnerable (It is no surprise that the first mitzvot converts learn are those aimed at alleviating poverty and hunger). They should know how individual practices and mitzvot fit into a bigger religious project – that Jewish living can give tangible shape to some of life’s biggest questions or most deeply held beliefs. And they should know that Judaism is lived through our bodies and our actions. Conversion is enacted through immersion in a mikveh and circumcision (when appropriate); we mark internal, spiritual change through external, physical processes as a recognition that we are called to manifest our religious beliefs and ideas through real action in the world.

According to the Talmud — and affirmed in later legal writings — that is all that one needs to convert. The Talmud does not require a convert to fully believe. Conversion is not about having completely mastered and answered complex theological dilemmas and questions. It’s not about knowing with certainty why bad things happen to good people or how God operates in the world. It’s sufficient simply to know that Judaism offers a tradition that has struggled with these questions for centuries.

The Talmud also does not require full Jewish practice. Nowhere is there an expectation that one is fully observant at the moment of conversion. Indeed, the court is only to teach about “some” of the mitzvot, presumably with the acknowledgement that there will always be room for growth and change in one’s religious life. Conversion is one moment in what will hopefully be a long journey that will inevitably have many twists and turns. The tradition imagines the mikveh like a birth, complete with the expectation that there will be many opportunities for growing — and growing pains — in the future.

All of which is to say, when thinking about when to convert, there’s no need to wait to be fully ready. In fact, prospective converts may never get to such a point. Part of why Jewish tradition is so emphatic about accepting prospective converts “immediately” is because waiting has the potential to create an elusive standard of readiness that might never be achieved.

Rather, the Talmud suggests capitalizing on a moment of excitement, general insight and overall understanding to cross the threshold. The gaps can be filled in later on.

The medieval philosopher Maimonides imagines that converts are reenacting the process of the ancient Israelites when they first entered into that covenant at Mount Sinai. This comparison calls to mind the idea of na’aseh v’nishma — that at the moment of divine revelation, the ancient Israelites did not demand to know the full details of the Torah and all that it entailed. Rather, they accepted first, and agreed to study, learn and do later.

We make this same offer to those converting now. Join us — be a part of our people’s past and stake a claim to our collective future. You might never be fully “ready.” But part of this covenant is about taking a leap of faith into a community waiting to catch you and eager to welcome, support and grow alongside you.

Rabbi Sarah Krinsky is the assistant rabbi at Adas Israel Congregation in Washington, D.C.

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The post How Do I Know If I’m Ready To Convert? appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

“Oh, it’s putty,” she said excitedly. “It’s to build out facial features and stuff. See, the family in this show is Jewish, right? So I figured you could use a bigger nose.”

“I’m Jewish, in real life,” I told her, leaning back and wiping the putty from my nose, “and I think my real nose will be just fine, thanks.”

“I had no idea,” she said, mortified. “I never met anyone Jewish, and…”

She didn’t finish her thought, but it was evident: you don’t look Jewish.

Apparently, whether or not a person has met anyone Jewish, there are still very prevalent stereotypes about what Jews look like. Dark hair, big nose, small stature, the old Eastern European Ashkenazi/Middle Eastern tropes of Semitic features. I have a few of those features, as it happens. I’m short. I have dark hair. I didn’t have trouble ‘blending in’ in youth group or anything. But this episode was neither my first nor my last brush with someone overtly referring to “looking Jewish,” and subsequently labeling me as someone who does or does not fit the bill.

Why are these stereotypes so persistent? Especially now, in 2017, in America— what does looking Jewish even mean, and why is it still a thing? As our friends on the Jewish& blog can assure you, not all Jews are of Eastern European descent (which, by the way, has always been the case—Judaism has been around for a lot longer than Jews have been in Europe, and while Judaism is a heritage and culture and yes, in the far-far-past was tribal—even in biblical times we accepted converts and were not homogeneous). There are Jewish people from different corners of the world. There are people who convert to Judaism. There are people who are adopted. There are people like me, who have one “born-Jewish” parent and one “chose-Judaism” parent – so 50 percent of my genetic makeup is Ashkenazi, but I also hail from various parts of Western Europe and North America (and probably other places, but despite all the compelling commercials I have yet to do one of those swab kits). The fact that we still assume there is a particular way to “look Jewish” boggles the mind.

But we do. And perhaps even worse than the idea that there IS a way to look Jewish is the notion that looking Jewish is a bad thing.

“You’re lucky,” I’ve been told more than once when someone discovers that my mother converted to Judaism. “That’s why you don’t look too Jewish.” (I’ve been told this by Jewish people more often than by those of other identities, by the way.) Incidentally, my blond-haired, blue-eyed, Jewish-on-both-sides-of-the-family cousins have been told the same thing. It’s meant as a compliment, but it’s worse than a backhanded one. It’s an insult to anyone who does, in the eye of that beholder, “look Jewish.”

There is some internalized and externally-confirmed notion that looking Jewish (read: looking “foreign,” looking “other”) is bad. That idea isn’t just bad for our demographic. It’s bad, in general. It contributes to the staggering amount of privilege and oppression in our society. It perpetuates damaging ideas of beauty, promoting pale skin and small noses and “just looking American” (read: white) as the ideal. It’s not welcoming. It’s not wise.

So what do we do about it?

We start with ourselves. Don’t assume that the person who walks into your Jewish building who “doesn’t look Jewish” is not, in fact, Jewish. Read the Jewish& blog. Remind yourself that there are many ways to look, and be, Jewish. And when someone else gets it wrong or makes an insensitive comment, be sure to kindly, clearly, and immediately wipe away the putty from your nose and wipe away the assumptions being made.

The post “Funny, You Don’t Look Jewish” appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

Last week I was the Em Beit Din, the head rabbi on a panel of rabbis, for an extraordinary conversion.  The woman we were converting was in New South Wales   And the rabbis on the beit din were in Georgia, Tennessee, New York City, Chappaqua, New York and New Mexico.

Diana, the woman we converted, has been living life as a Jew since she was a teenager.  She is currently in her 80s. For a long time she did not convert because it would have hurt her mother deeply. After her mother passed away, Diana began a formal conversion process which was interrupted when she moved to New South Wales (N.S.W.).  Once there, she found no clergy or educators with whom she could finish the process.  She thought a formal conversion to Judaism would never happen.  She one day learned about an online conversion program and suddenly her dream could be realized.  This is where Diana and I met.

READ: How to Convert to Judaism

After completing her program of study, it was time to bring Diana before the beit din. Ordinarily, coming before the beit din happens in person.  It is a very powerful and joyful experience which usually ends in hugs, kisses, singing and sometimes a little dancing.  But with Diana in N.S.W. and no beit din there, it was impossible to complete Diana’s journey to Judaism without the use of technology and cyberspace.

I reached out to my Rabbis Without Borders community to find other rabbis who would be willing to sit on a virtual beit din.  I had so many volunteers, we ended up with five rabbis on the panel instead of the usual three.

The six of us, pictured above, met for Diana’s big day on a video conference in the cloud.

We spoke with Diana for nearly an hour.  As our conversation drew to a close, we muted Diana so we could discuss her candidacy. Usually the beit din would excuse the candidate from the room for this part of the conversation, but mute was going to have to suffice.  We unanimously agreed that this woman who had been living Jewishly for over 60 years would be a beautiful addition to the Jewish people.

We un-muted Diana. We each said yes. Diana cried.  We all cried.  She was so happy at long last to be officially a part of the Jewish people.

One of the rabbis on the call had a Torah out in her office.  She turned the camera to the Torah and offered Diana, who took the Hebrew name of Ruth, a blessing, acknowledging and sanctifying her connection to the Jewish people and to the Torah.  It was a stunning unplanned moment.  We sang siman tov u’mazal tov — a song of rejoicing and congratulations.

I was worried it would not feel right to do a conversion in virtual space.  In the end, being able to extend the the reach our arms all the way around the world was so gratifying that the cloud based meeting did not matter.  In an age when connecting to Judaism or faith in general seems to be universally hard, there was something especially touching to bring this  woman into the Jewish people in this way.

The only thing missing were the hugs.

The post A Global Conversion appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

I was doing cultural anthropological fieldwork in New York in 2004 and I went native. In my case, the order of affairs was reversed. I had already fallen in love with Judaism, wanting to convert. So I adapted my graduate project to suit my needs by traveling to one of the epicenters of Diaspora Jewish life. I moved to Brooklyn, davened (prayed) at a shul (synagogue) in Park Slope, hung out with independent minyans such as Kehillat Hadar on the Upper West Side and meanwhile interviewed Jews for my fieldwork while at the same time studying towards conversion. And in order to facilitate entry into the community for the sake of my fieldwork, I dyed my blonde tresses an unassuming dark brown.

Now, I didn’t hide my identity. All the people in my new community knew I was converting. But when interviewing Jewish professionals and activists on the topic of my research project (Progressive Zionism), I decided that toning down my glaringly Nordic looks would build trust and ease communication. I was practically a Jew already, spoke the lingo, was familiar with the cultural tropes and dreaded not being able to have meaningful interviews because people deemed me too much of an outsider.

I’m not sure it helped—or that it mattered. People spoke to me regardless and in some other cases, my non-Jewish ancestry was easily uncovered. I will not forget that priceless moment, shortly after my conversion, that I showed up at a morning minyan (prayer service) in your average Conservative shul, proudly donning tallit (prayer shawl) and tefillin (phylacteries). As I was wearing a kippah, tallit, tefillin and a Star of David necklace, a woman remarked, ‘Are you Jewish? You don’t look Jewish’.

More than a decade later, I can proudly say that I don’t look ‘Jewish’. I’m Jewish in every fiber of my being (so much so that I trained as a rabbi and serve a congregation) but since that day I’ve decided to pass on passing and wear my blonde tresses (it’s a pixie cut at the moment) with confidence.

I’ve come to embrace the understanding that identity is complex and fluid, a notion I had intellectual understanding of, but that still felt daunting internalizing, especially in a world of identity politics often wary of what we anthropologists term ‘category confusion’. When X doesn’t easily slot into Z, it can be unsettling. We all want to belong and belonging is defined by boundaries. When people transition across those boundaries, there often needs to be a ritual to validate this crossing. In Judaism, it’s known as a process of conversion. But it also shows dignity and maturity when we can accept our personal history and the unique aspects of our identity that make us, well, us, even if that makes us a little different to the mainstream of our (adopted) communities.

I’ve been far happier in myself and my Judaism since I decided to pass on passing. The wall of my synagogue office is decorated with my framed Ordination Certificate as well as a Victorian-age picture of a paternal ancestor who was one of my many ancestors who went into Protestant ministry. Hanging that picture wasn’t only nostalgic, it was an intentional, strategic choice to invite congregants and visitors into a conversation about identity and what it means to be Jewish. Invariably, people ask about the picture and I explain who he was. Many a Jew-by-Choice (or those considering conversion) has been put at ease and many a Jew-by-Birth have had their thinking challenged in a positive way by this.

There is, of course, some potential baggage that comes with being a convert, even a convert-rabbi. Lines of privilege and exclusion intersect at odd angles and it takes some effort to balance these different aspects. Yes, I can blend into wider society in a way that more stereotypically ‘Jewish-looking’ Jews cannot. At the same time, by virtue of being a community leader and a vocal advocate and activist for my Jewish community, I expose myself to risks and dangers that many Jews are not exposed to. And truth to be told, I’m so bound up with Judaism that adopting another (even former) identity would feel painfully artificial. There is no escape clause.

Experience has shown me that ‘going native’ is not as simple as appropriating another culture and another’s narrative of oppression. It’s not as simple as fetishizing ‘ethnic chic’. I make a delicious matzah ball chicken soup, but it’s my take on it. I have a beautiful inflection of Hebrew, but it’s inspired by the gutturals of my own native tongue. And at the Passover seder, I embrace my own understanding of what it is to say that ‘my father was a wandering Aramean’.

I’m not trying to pass any more. Thank God, I have come to love my Judaism on its own terms. I’m content to be a boundary-crosser, as my Hebrew name behooves me to be. As a daughter of Abraham and Sarah, I proudly follow in the footsteps of the best boundary-crossers of all, ha’Ivri, the first Hebrew couple. Blonde hair and all.

The post From Looking Jewish to Being Jewish appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

As time passed, I gradually retreated from the materialism and overconsumption of society as I knew it and began connecting to God through yoga, silent meditation, and the exhilaration of surfing, but a community of the God-conscious still eluded me. I sought the counsel of mentors and elders and the message was consistent, “God lives in the faith of your ancestors.” So, there I went, back to the faith of my childhood with only glimmers still remaining during High Holiday services and occasional Shabbat dinners with my grandfather. I walked into Temples of all denominations, moving up the ladder of observance until I found myself in an Orthodox synagogue, seated in the balcony, trying to find my way through a prayer book which at that time was hieroglyphics of the most complex variety.

For the first time after the death of my grandfather, I shared my story with a Chabadnik who, in his youth, traveled and learned with the young Lubavitcher disciples in Ukraine. I was 75 percent Jewish, I told the Orthodox rabbi, my paternal grandparents and one maternal grandparent were all Jewish. My mom’s mother was Russian Orthodox. “So, you’re not Jewish,” he replied, adhering to the Jewish policy of matrilineal descent. By then, this had become a dagger I knew well, which is why I so seldom disclosed my lineage. I had already internalized the plight of my family members who had been segregated and killed by Russians and Nazis only two generations before.  I already felt viscerally the injustice experienced by my father, the blatant and professionally debilitating anti-Semitism of Soviet Russia. Their traumas were mine. My maternal grandmother met her husband when she was fifteen during World War II. He landed in Siberia with his regiment, met her and two weeks later they were married and headed to Moscow where she remained, with his Jewish family until immigration in the 1990s. I had no other identity, no other religion.

It was very hard to grasp that my Jewishness meant nothing; Hebrew school, Bat Mitzvah, Shabbat dinners, Jewish summer camps, it was all made mute. It felt as if for the first time in my life, my words were meaningless and as a result my sense of empowerment was in danger of being whittled away. Recent findings by Orthodoxy’s Rabbinical Council of America (RCA) cite that 45 percent of potential converts with whom they work have Jewish ancestry, 70 percent of whom consider themselves to be Jewish. This reality must be taken into account and there must be a way to strengthen the Jewish identity of these “converts” rather than disregarding it and likewise stifling their very connection to Judaism.

It is not easy to balance humility with empowerment. Deciding when to acquiesce and when to stand firm has been a constant struggle in this process. In the center of it was a feeling that forever gnawed at me:  I had handed over my Jewish identity and was waiting for it to be given back to me with a stamp of approval. The only thing that kept me moving forward was the deep connection to God that I felt when praying alongside the Orthodox minyan. In those moments when we were all praying together, reciting the same prayers, singing the same hymns, my soul told me that there was no other community for me.

In the next few years, I moved around quite a bit, and in so doing was exposed to many rabbis with whom I continued the conversation about conversion. Many messages confounded me. “More will be expected of you than of your halakhically [legal according to Jewish law] Jewish brethren,” I was told by one. Another kindhearted and supportive rabbi told me he’d be happy to help me, but since his congregation didn’t support conversions, he could not. I was told by many that my genuine interest in the conversion process needed to be proven, which was followed by story upon story of how many previous potential converts had misled them. Why wasn’t anybody listening? Why didn’t anyone understand the difficult and at times emotionally debilitating spiritual position that I was in? When asked about dating, I was told that I shouldn’t and was asked why I would want to date someone who’d be interested in me at this point? It was at this moment that the anger of injustice finally began to well up in me and I became both enraged and exhausted from placing myself at the feet of all these men for judgment. It was not only my religious standing that was now in question. What of the person I had become and the good qualities I had to share with others? I needed a woman to talk to. I knew she would see the bigger picture. Most importantly, I knew that conversion, returning to God, was not meant to be this way.

READ: For Prospective Orthodox Converts, Process Marked By Fear and Uncertainty

It seemed that while I was learning to release my ego, the ego of my male peers was being strengthened by the patriarchal system within which I found myself. Envisioning my grandfather, grandmother, and great-grandmother, who never spoke of faith given their Soviet fears, but still managed to pass the spark of God onto me, brought me strength. Thank God. Each time my words were dismissed, every time I was made irrelevant, every time the heartfelt Judaism in my veins was made invisible, I remembered that I was here for the many of my family who had been massacred. I would keep them alive in my love of God and in living every day with awareness of God. Every time I was made to feel less than who I knew myself to be, in my heart, I knew that God understood. I remember often feeling that it was not only me who faced the rabbis in order to become a Jew, but that they were also presented with a lesson and a chance to become Jews in the truest sense of the word.  When I was in Jerusalem last year, I sat in on a class taught by Rabbi Monty Berger. He went around the room, with a warm grin on his face, asking each student the question, “Are you a Jew?” The right answer, I found out, as I listened to student after student reciting the teaching, was “trying to be.”

The rest of the story is a lengthy one and continues to this day. I have not yet completed the conversion process and still often face frustration and uncertainty about the expectations of the powers that be. What I have found are women not only of valor but of strength. I found Professor Tamar Ross during an Internet search. Reading about her and seeing the words “Orthodox Feminism” felt like I was given a soft place to land. She answered all my questions and suggested I reach out to  JOFA. The writings of Jewish Orthodox Feminists, such as Dr. Ora Wiskind-Elper, Professor Susan Handelman, Rabbi Dr. Haviva Ner-David and many others, now fill my home. They help me understand Orthodoxy with a feminine sensibility and are not afraid to question rabbinical assumptions when they are clearly and emphatically affected by the patriarchal system and all of the bias that it inherently adds to the otherwise clear word of God. Their voices are reconnecting me to the strength that existed in me way back when. I am finding her again, the girl of my youth, the empowered lover of analytical study, the woman whose opinion matters and path in life can be self-determined while filled with God. I am finding her because of these women. The RCA study also found that women make up 78 percent of their conversion candidates. The egalitarian culture from which these women are entering Judaism fosters strength of the feminine and this strength must be acknowledged and integrated into their budding Jewish identity. Their voices must be heard.

In hopes of fostering a community of strong women in search of strong female voices within Orthodoxy, I have started a book club where I introduce books and essays which have been particularly moving and empowering to me along the way. I want to make available for others what I needed to seek out for myself, without which my continued path toward the completion of the conversion process may not have survived. I am not only speaking to women. I’ve also met men who told me that they left Orthodoxy out of fear that their daughters would not benefit from the egalitarian nature of society at large. This issue does not pin one ideal against another. It merely asks the question, “How does a woman maintain her presence as a strong human being in the face of patriarchal norms that often stifle it?” I do not propose that there’s an easy answer. What I hope is that we can talk about this without being dismissed and patronized or with our concerns quickly assuaged by apologetics. There needs to be a discussion and the rabbis in the room cannot approach this topic feeling as if they already have the answers. The answers need to be found through discourse with the women who are actually being affected.

Learn more about Irene’s book club here.

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The post Navigating Orthodox Conversion with a Feminist Sensibility appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

Almost every Jewish community has at least one mikveh (you can search here for a traditional mikveh, or here for a non-Orthodox mikveh directory). In larger Jewish communities you might have a choice among mikva’ot (plural for mikveh).

Why Immerse in the Mikveh?

Jewish law requires that one immerse in a mikveh as part of the process of conversion to Judaism. It also requires women to immerse before getting married and when observing the laws of niddah (menstrual purity). There are also various other reasons — both traditional and modern — that women, as well as men and Jews who are gender-non-conforming, visit the mikveh.

READ: Marking My Recovery in the Mikveh

Beyond the halakhically (Jewish law) mandated mikveh uses (for conversion and for women getting married and observing niddah), the powerful symbolism of the mikveh waters has inspired various mikveh practices. For example, many Hasidic men immerse themselves in the mikveh every day. Others immerse every Friday before Shabbat. In some Jewish communities, it is also customary to immerse before Yom Kippur, and for grooms to immerse before their weddings.

These immersions, which do not require a blessing, might take place in a separate “men’s mikveh” large enough for 10 or more to immerse simultaneously. Because of their non-required nature, most men’s mikva’ot are more casual — some might not have a constant attendant, and most operate on a walk-in basis rather than scheduling in advance.

In recent years, some progressive Jews have also begun to use mikveh to mark various milestones, such as a graduation, a bar or bat mitzvah or an important birthday, and to signify a new start after pain or loss. For example, immersion can mark the completion of a year of bereavement, or recovery from divorce, rape, abuse, or life-threatening illness. Often new prayers are composed to accompany these new rituals.

READ: I’m A Non-Orthodox Jew Who Loves Going to the Mikveh

Finally, another kind of mikveh in use today is the kelim mikveh — a mikveh for immersing dishes, in order to make them kosher. Typically much smaller than a mikveh designed for human use, this kind of mikveh is often located in the same building as the main mikveh.

Traditional Specifications

According to the classical regulations, a mikveh must contain enough water to cover the entire body of an average-sized man (Babylonian Talmud, Eruvin 4b). The rabbis calculated the necessary volume of water as being 40 seah (most contemporary authorities believe this is about 150 gallons). The rabbis also specified that a mikveh must be connected to a natural spring, or to a well of naturally occurring water — like rainwater.

If you’ve ever visited an ancient historical site in Israel, such as the fortress Masada, there’s a good chance you’ve seen a mikveh — or the remains of one.

Since the mikveh at Masada was far from any natural spring, it presumably functioned as a cistern for rain, and the Masada residents immersed therein. Though stagnant rainwater could hardly have been hygienic, this mikveh would still have met the legal requirements to purify; in Judaism, ritual purity and hygiene can be two very different categories.

Know What You’re Getting Into

If you visit an operating mikveh, rest assured that mikveh architecture has come a long way in the past 2,000 years. Today, systems for gathering water for mikva’ot are much more complex — and much more hygienic.

Generally, a tank of rainwater is connected to a small pool that contains heated and treated (often chlorinated) tap water, much like a swimming pool. Since the tank and the pool are connected, the waters of the latter “acquire” the purifying quality of the rainwater in the tank. Nearly every contemporary mikveh has a filtration and disinfecting system.

When You Get There

When you arrive at the mikveh, if you are coming for one of the reasons mandated by Jewish law, you most likely will not go straight to the ritual bath. Instead, you will be assigned a private preparation room, essentially a large bathroom complete with a bathtub, shower, sink, and toilet. Before immersing in the mikveh, Jewish law requires that one thoroughly clean one’s body, typically including taking a bath or shower, clipping nails, and brushing teeth. This ensures that there are no barriers between the person immersing and the mikveh water. Some mikva’ot provide shampoo, soap, combs and toothbrushes. It’s best to ask before you visit so you know if you have to bring your own toiletries.

In an effort to cultivate an image of mikveh observance as relaxing and spa-like, many new mikva’ot have lovely, even lavish, preparation rooms. Some are even equipped with jacuzzis. You can take your time in the preparation room. Or, if you prefer, you can get ready at home and just use the preparation room for a quick shower before you immerse.

After your bath or shower, cover up with a towel or bathrobe (almost always provided). At most modern mikva’ot, there is a bell to ring to alert a mikveh attendant when you are ready to dunk. Usually, the mikveh attendant will meet you at the back door of your preparation room — this door leads straight to the ritual bath. No one other than the mikveh attendant will see you when you walk from your preparation room to the mikveh itself.

The Big Dip

Before you enter the mikveh, the attendant may offer to check your hands, feet, or back for stray hairs or other potentially unwanted barriers that may get between you and the mikveh waters. If you are comfortable with this, you can accept the offer. But if you do not want to be checked, you usually do not have to.

The mikveh attendant will take your towel or bathrobe and look away as you go down the stairs and enter the water. Though it can feel awkward or uncomfortable to be naked in front of a stranger, it may help to keep in mind that mikveh attendants attempt to be discreet and look at your body only once you are under water, ready to immerse your head. They are watching to check that every part of your hair and body is submerged, and they are also there to ensure your safety in the water.

The Sephardic custom is to recite the blessing first and then submerge completely for a moment or two. Ashkenazic Jews usually submerge once, then recite the blessing, and then submerge either one or two more times. The mikveh blessing is the same for converts and for women before marriage and keeping niddah. Many mikva’ot provide the text.

Barukh ata Adonai Elohenu melekh ha’olam asher kideshanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al ha’tevillah.

Blessed are You, O Lord, our God, King of the universe, who has sanctified us with Your commandments and commanded us concerning the immersion.

בּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ אֱלהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם אֲשֶׁר קִדְשָׁנוּ בּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָנוּ עַל הַטְבִילָה

After you have blessed and immersed, if you like, you can spend some time in the mikveh for personal reflection or prayer.

As you come out of the water, the mikveh attendant will give you back your towel or bathrobe, and might give you a little blessing too — for a healthy marriage, or a happy life as a Jew, depending on the reason you immersed.

You can return to your preparation room and get dressed. On your way out, you may be asked to pay a fee (usually in the $18-$36 range, though it can be more for a conversion), or to make a donation, for maintenance of the mikveh.

Are you considering conversion to Judaism? Sign up here for a special email series that will guide you through everything you need to know.

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Answer: I know a lot of converts wonder about this, Daniel, but don’t worry so much about “acting like” a Jew or a gentile. Be yourself! It is a good idea to be prepared for some of the circumstances you might be presented with in an Orthodox synagogue, so here’s some information to help guide you.

I consulted with Rabbi Marc Angel, Rabbi Emeritus of Congregation Shearith Israel in New York, and author of Choosing to Be Jewish: The Orthodox Road to Conversion. He said that a person with a non-Orthodox conversion who visits an Orthodox synagogue, “does not need to say anything to anybody unless asked.”

I asked Rabbi Angel about making a minyan (prayer quorum), because according to the Orthodox take on halakhah (Jewish law), you need 10 Jewish men to make a minyan. If you showed up at an Orthodox shul and there were nine men there waiting for a minyan, do you have to tell them about your conversion? He said no, you don’t. In theory this means that there might be nine people praying under the impression that they had a minyan when, if they knew more about the situation, they may think differently. When I asked him about this, Rabbi Angel said, yes, this is a possibility, but if it happens, “God will forgive us.”

That said, according to Rabbi Angel, if you’re approached and offered an aliyah, at that point you should say, “Just so you know, I had a Conservative conversion.” By putting it that way, you’re allowing the gabbai, the person who organizes services, to decide if he still wants to offer you the honor. He may not be comfortable with it, in which case you’ll likely be asked to do something else, such as open the ark, or help dress the Torah after it has been read.

The Chabad movement often has a more stringent take on conversion, so I also spoke with Rabbi Avremel Blesofsky, of Iowa City Chabad. Rabbi Blesofsky suggests that if you know ahead of time that you’ll be attending an Orthodox shul you should call the rabbi and let him know about your conversion background and that you’re planning to attend services. This will allow you to avoid having to tell him on the spot, which could potentially be embarrassing. If you don’t know ahead of time, Rabbi Blesofsky suggests approaching the rabbi immediately upon entering and telling him that you had a non-Orthodox conversion. If you’re asked to take an aliyah, Blesofsky thinks you should simply tell the gabbai you’re not up to it, without offering any more information.

You probably already know that Judaism has pretty strict rules about not bringing up someone’s life pre-conversion. It’s considered very rude, and is frowned upon by Jewish law. So regardless of how you choose to present yourself at an Orthodox shul, don’t feel obligated to go into the nitty-gritty of your conversion back story. As Aliza Hausman, a conversion counselor and convert herself told me, “it’s really nobody’s business.”

As always, when visiting a synagogue you should be respectful of the customs of the congregation, and follow the lead of the regulars. Beyond that there’s no reason to give people the details of your journey to Judaism unless they ask for them and you’re comfortable discussing it. You’ll be fine!

Are you considering conversion to Judaism? Sign up here for a special email series that will guide you through everything you need to know.

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Answer: Mazel tov on deciding to make aliyah! That’s very exciting, and though it might be a challenge to get around the significant hurdle of lost conversion papers, I do have some ideas for you.

The first thing I would do is approach Nefesh B’Nefesh about making aliyah. They will get you started on the paperwork, and help you navigate the specifics of your case. I got in touch with Doreet Freedman, the Director of the Pre-Aliyah department at Nefesh B’Nefesh, who told me that issues like yours are usually presented to the Israeli Ministry of the Interior before the aliyah application is approved.

The Ministry of the Interior generally requires a conversion certificate (all denominations are acceptable), a letter from your rabbi explaining the syllabus you studied prior to conversion, as well as confirming that you were active in your Jewish community post-conversion, and a letter from you that explains why you converted, and why you want to make aliyah.

Depending on how you converted, you may actually be able to get a copy of your conversion certificate. If your conversion was with an Orthodox rabbi, then a conversion certificate would likely have been filed with the Rabbinical Council of America. Rabbi Michael Zylberman is the Administrator of the Regional Courts for Conversion, and he told me that the RCA has files going back to the early sixties, but they’re not comprehensive. So if you converted in the mid-seventies, it’s possible that the RCA would have a copy of your conversion certificate, but not certain.

According to Rabbi Ashira Konigsburg, if you converted with a Conservative rabbi, the Rabbinical Assembly may have a certificate on file, but their records from that time are not very well organized, so it’s unlikely that they would be able to locate it. The Rabbinical Assembly is working on putting together a new system that would make it easier to locate records like yours.

Rabbi Victor Appell of the Union for Reform Judaism suggests that you check with the American Jewish Archives in Cincinnati, which has copies of some Reform conversion certificates that were sent in by various congregations.

All of the rabbis I spoke to suggested that you begin by working with your current rabbi and synagogue to see what documents they can find, and then go from there. Many synagogues that were damaged or closed because of hurricanes are still in the process of recovering documents, so it may be worth it to contact your local Jewish Federation and find out if there are any boxes of synagogue records sitting in a warehouse somewhere.

Additionally, when you converted, you probably sat in front of a three person beit din that included your rabbi. Are either of the other two members of the beit din still alive? If so, they may be able to vouch for you, and may even have copies of the paperwork.

If you have gotten married since you converted, then your ketubah, if it is available, could also be helpful in confirming your status as a convert, because it will refer to you as a Jew.

I’m sure that it’s frustrating to have to prove your Jewishness when you’ve been a member of the community for more than 30 years, but making aliyah is a laudable goal, and once you get through the stack of paperwork and board that plane, I’m sure it will be worth it. Good luck!

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Don’t ask why he or she converted.

The number one question you want to ask a convert is exactly the question you shouldn’t. Asking someone why they converted, just after meeting them, is a little like asking to see their underwear. It’s like you’re asking us to get very naked about something deeply personal when we’ve just met. Like anything else, wait until you really get to know someone before expecting them to bare their souls. People will often let you see the skeletons in their closets when they’re comfortable with you.

Don’t tell others he or she is a convert.

If a convert does tell you about her conversion, that doesn’t mean it’s your story to tell. My friend Danielle says her former roommate told everyone Danielle was a convert. Danielle didn’t want people to know (and no, not because she was embarrassed about it). It just wasn’t her roommate’s story to tell. I know you’re wondering, “Why can’t I tell someone that Danielle is a convert, it’s a fact!” Remember how Judaism feels about gossip? What if people were discussing your personal business behind your back without your permission? Indeed, the Talmud (Bava Metzia 58b-59b) forbids us from oppressing converts by treating them as anything other than a regular member of the tribe.

Remember, no one looks like a convert.

“James William? That’s not a very Jewish name!” People of color and blondes with oh-so-blue eyes, the “exotic” faces in the Ashkenazi Jewish fold, frequently get questions like this that try to get around directly asking, “Are you a convert?” In The Color of Jews, Yavilah McCoy, whose ancestors were converts, says:

When I walk into a room and say to people I meet ‘I’m Jewish’ often I will get the response ‘but you’re Black.'” Since when are the two mutually exclusive? People often make offensive racial assumptions about Jews (and converts) of color. Just like we’re not all named Rosenberg, one convert of color says it’s helpful to note that “Judaism is not a ‘race’ of white people. One of the things people should be mindful of is not to assume all people of color in the synagogue are converts (or the help, for that matter).

Converts are not therapists.

The worst is when “Why did you convert?” turns into “Why would anyone convert to Judaism?” We’re converts, not therapists. We’re not here to help you figure out why you can’t imagine that people would find Judaism so amazing that they’d turn their lives upside down just to be a part of it. If you’re staring at us in disbelief, you may not be prepared to hear the answers.

Don’t assume someone converted for marriage.

After I met my husband midway through the conversion process, I noticed that people stopped asking me why I had decided to convert. They just assumed I was doing it for him. Okay, but I’m off the hook, right? I wasn’t part of a couple when I first made my decision so obviously I did it for the right reasons? Wrong, wrong, wrong. Just because someone is or was in a relationship doesn’t mean that they’re converting for marriage. Things are always way more complicated than that.

People convert for many reasons. A friend of mine says, “Often people assume someone converted due to marriage. As if people couldn’t make up their independent minds to join a faith! There are people with whom Judaism resonates and [they] find their home in the religion. There are single people who convert. There are people who convert to reclaim their family heritage. There are so many reasons people convert.” And remember, none of them are any of your business.

Goy jokes are not funny.

But one reason that frequently gets thrown around and isn’t very nice, and doesn’t work so well for someone from a non-Jewish family, is the idea that we converted to Judaism because Jews are just better than everyone else. One fellow told me that all that inbreeding has led to all those Nobel Prize winners. So, what, I’m polluting the sacred bloodlines? Sadly, people don’t think twice about whether a convert is sitting in their midst when they tell the latest “How many goyim does it take to put in a lightbulb?” joke.

Words like shiksa (gentile woman) and shaygetz (gentile man) both derivations of the word for “dirty” in Yiddish, don’t make converts feel welcome either. Blondes with blue eyes, converts or not, tend to hear these words more often than converts like me with olive skin and big brown eyes. Still, my first Passover went south after someone repeatedly threw the word shiksa around along with some other ugly words about non-Jews. At the first bar mitzvah I attended, jokes about non-Jews were flying all over the place.

And don’t forget to say, “Welcome.”

There are things I still can’t believe people have said to me. Fresh out of the mikveh (the last stage of conversion is immersion in a mikveh, or ritual bath), I heard, “But you’re not really Jewish. I mean I’m still more Jewish than you, right?” Oy vey. In the end, all converts want is to be accepted as good Jews. We want to fit in. Possibly the reason Jewish tradition goes out of its way to tell you to be kind to us is that there are so many ways you can make us feel left out. It only takes one insensitive word. So, be careful with us. Changing our lives to join your ranks should at the very least earn us a little respect. And maybe even a “Welcome home.”

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