Knowing what to expect ahead of time will ensure that your experience is a comfortable and positive one. While this article focuses on what to wear and do — and some of the rituals you will see — we recommend you also consult our Guided Tour of the Synagogue and Highlights of Shabbat Morning Worship.

Keep in mind that services (and service lengths) vary widely from congregation to congregation, depending on a synagogue’s denomination (Orthodox, Conservative, Reform etc.), its leadership and its unique customs or traditions. To learn more about the particular synagogue you will attend, you may want to consult its website or ask the bar/bat mitzvah host.

In addition, while the majority of bar/bat mitzvah ceremonies take place during Shabbat morning services and at synagogue, as described below, some are on Friday night or Saturday afternoon. It is also increasingly common for families to host private bar/bat mitzvah ceremonies that take place outside synagogue.

General Expectations for Synagogue Behavior

1.      Dress: Guests at a bar/bat mitzvah celebration generally wear dressy clothes — for men, either a suit or slacks, tie, and jacket, and for women, a dress or formal pantsuit. In more traditional communities, clothing tends to be dressier; women wear hats and are discouraged from wearing pants.

2.      Arrival time: The time listed on the bar/bat mitzvah invitation is usually the official starting time for the weekly Shabbat, or Sabbath, service. Family and invited guests try to arrive at the beginning, even though the bar/bat mitzvah activities occur somewhat later in the service; however, both guests and regular congregants often arrive late, well after services have begun.

3.      Prayer shawl: The tallit (tall-EET or TALL-is), or prayer shawl, is traditionally worn by Jewish males and, in liberal congregations, by Jewish women as well. Because the braided fringes at the four corners of the tallit remind its wearer to observe the commandments of Judaism, wearing a tallit is reserved for Jews. Although an usher may offer you a tallit at the door, you may decline it if you are not Jewish or are simply uncomfortable wearing such a garment.

4.      Kippah, or yarmulke: A kippah (KEEP-ah) or head covering (called a yarmulke in Yiddish), is traditionally worn by males during the service and also by women in more liberal synagogues. Wearing a kippah is not a symbol of religious identification like the tallit, but is rather an act of respect to God and the sacredness of the worship space. Just as men and women may be asked to remove their hats in the church, or remove their shoes before entering a mosque, wearing a head covering is a non-denominational act of showing respect. In some synagogues, women may wear hats or a lace head covering. Most synagogues have a basket of kippahs (also called kippot) at the entry to the sanctuary, and bar/bat mitzvah hosts often provide custom-made ones that you can keep as a memento.

5.      Maintaining sanctity: All guests and participants are expected to respect the sanctity of the prayer service and Shabbat by:

• Setting your cell phone or beeper to vibrate or turning it off.
• Not taking pictures. Many families hire photographers or videographers and would be pleased to take your order for a photo or video memento. In traditional settings, photography is strictly forbidden on Shabbat.
• Not smoking in the sanctuary, inside the building, or even on the synagogue grounds.
• Not writing.
• Not speaking during services. While you may see others around you chatting quietly–or even loudly–be aware that some synagogues consider this a breach of decorum.

To read this article, “What a Bar/Bat Mitzvah Guest Needs to Know,” in Spanish (lee en Español), click here.

The post What a Bar/Bat Mitzvah Guest Needs to Know appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

For starters, there’s the gravity of the occasion: a once-in-a-lifetime rite of passage. Add to that, the recipient is 13, an age when a person’s interests and tastes are in flux and when anything an adult says or does can seem completely out-of-touch and uncool. Plus, we are often invited to this occasion not because we are close to the bar/bat mitzvah child and know his or her tastes, but because we are extended family or are friends of the child’s parents.

READ: What A Bar/Bat Mitzvah Guest Needs to Know

That’s why we’re here to help you find something that you feel good about and that the recipient actually likes. Best of all, everything on our list can be ordered online (although we also encourage you to check out your local Judaica shops and bookstores). So read on — or, if you prefer, click directly on the categories below to skip the chatter and get straight to the gift ideas! Please keep in mind that prices fluctuate, so think of the prices we list as general guides and not guarantees. While our recommendations are mostly Jewish items (because that’s our area of expertise), it’s also perfectly appropriate to give gifts — such as jewelry, accessories, watches or anything related to the child’s hobbies or interests — that have nothing to do with Judaism or Israel.

Gifts By Category:

• Money and Bonds

• Judaica 

• Jewelry 

• Torah Art 

• Charitable Gifts 

• Books 

Did we overlook a great bar/bat mitzvah gift idea? Leave your suggestions in the comments below.

Should You Give Money — And How Much?

Cash is undoubtedly convenient for all involved and can be used for something the bar/bat mitzvah child wants right now or socked away into savings accounts. Checks are traditionally written out in $18 increments, marking the Hebrew letters for the word life (chai), which are numerically equivalent to 18. That said, no one will be offended if you give them a more rounded number, like $50 or $100 — or whatever you can comfortably afford.

You can also consider a gift card.

Meanwhile, Israel Bonds’ Mazel Tov Bonds and eMitzvah Bonds support the Jewish state and can be redeemed in five years, when the bar/bat mitzvah is approaching college-age. We’ve also heard of giving Israeli currency, as a way to encourage the recipient to visit Israel at some point.

Judaica

Since many others also will opt to give Jewish ritual objects, we recommend sticking to items that are small and that you might want more than one of. Think Hanukkah menorah, Shabbat candlesticks or tzedakah (charity) box, rather than shofar or seder plate.

Shabbat Candlesticks

Some Shabbat candlesticks we like are  these nickel ones engraved with the Hebrew blessing  ($31), these hand-painted wooden ones featuring a pomegranate design ($21) and these silver-plated and engraved ones ($22) that fold up into a little ball when not in use. These electric LED bulb candles ($18) can be set to a timer, and while they aren’t gorgeous, they are dorm-room-friendly and better than many other electric ones on the market.

Another option is glass candlesticks ($48) from Fair Trade Judaica, which “promotes economic partnerships based on equality, justice and sustainable environmental practices.

Hanukkah Menorahs

In particular, we recommend travel-size Hanukkah menorahs (also called Hannukiyot), which can be taken on trips and (the electric ones at least) used in dorm rooms when the bar/bat mitzvah child goes to college. There are fewer aesthetic options when you’re limited to electric menorahs, but most dorm fire codes forbid students from lighting actual candles in their rooms. The nice thing about menorahs (whether electric or traditional) is that even before the bar/bat mitzvah child leaves home, she or he can enjoy having his or her own to light on Hanukkah, when the more light the merrier.

Both this silver tone electric menorah ($31) and pewter plated one ($36) are low voltage and lack the tackiness of many electric Hanukkah lamps, making them perfect for dorm-room Hanukkah celebrations. A non-electric, but practical alternative is this two-in-one (or 11-in-one, depending on how you count it) hand-painted Shabbat candlestick set that converts into a menorah. ($40)

Mezuzahs

A mezuzah is a small box that is placed on the right doorpost of Jewish homes and often also on the entryway to each room — so the bar/bat mitzvah child may want to affix one to his or her bedroom doorpost. Inside the box is a parchment scroll with verses from the Torah inscribed on it, including the Shema prayer (Deuteronomy 6:4-9, 11:13-21).

We’re fond of this stainless steel one with Swarovski stone pomegranates ($70) pictured on the right, as well as this handmade jeweled mezuzah case ($70) — but you’ll find myriad options at a wide range of price points on Amazon and in your local Judaica store.

Tzedakah Boxes

It’s traditional to put money into a tzedakah (charity) box each week before lighting the Shabbat candles, and some people like to collect these boxes. Like the glass candlesticks above, this hand-carved and engraved wooden tzedakah box ($45) is offered through Fair Trade Judaica.

We also like this brightly painted one in the shape of a Jewish star ($50).

Jewelry

The Jewish star, or Star of David, is a classic option in necklace pendants, and they’re widely available in silver ($29), gold ($30) and other materials. In recent years, another symbol — the hamsa — has become increasingly popular in Israel and around the world. An eye embedded in a hand, the hamsa has Middle Eastern roots and is a sort-of good-luck charm. Find hamsa pendants here. The word chai, Hebrew for life, also is a popular Jewish symbol for jewelry. You can find chai pendants here.

In addition, a search for Israeli jewelry on Etsy yielded many Israeli artisans (including ones that display at Tel Aviv’s popular twice-weekly Nahalat Binyamin market). There are also Etsy stores, such as this one, where you can purchase other Israeli-made items. Another great source for Israeli jewelry (and other products made by Israeli artists) is The Sabra Patch, an Etsy-like startup with the motto “Handmade in the Holy Land.”

Torah Art

A particularly meaningful gift is artwork based on the bar or bat mitzvah’s Torah portion. Just make sure it is returnable, since you and the bar/bat mitzvah child might have different feelings about what will look good on his or her bedroom wall — and duplicates probably won’t be appreciated. Also make sure you are certain about the Torah portion the bar/bat mitzvah will be chanting — it does not always correspond with the date on which the ceremony falls. Michal Meron Studios creates colorful illustrated Torah portions that range from $150-350, depending on size and whether you buy it framed or unframed. Christina Mattison’s Drash Designs interpret the portion through a more abstract lens and range in price from $15-20 (unframed).

Charitable Gifts

One of the core tenets of Judaism is tzedakah (charity). Making a donation in honor of the bar or bat mitzvah is a meaningful way to incorporate the Jewish (and universal) value of helping those in need. You can personalize this type of gift even further by donating to a cause about which the bar or bat mitzvah feels passionate. Better yet, give a “gift card” that can be used to fund a project of their choosing.

With a Kiva card, the bar or bat mitzvah can choose among thousands of projects helping people in developing countries and give them micro-loans. Similarly, Donors Choose sells gift cards that enable recipients to support small teacher-run projects in public schools. A Jewish counterpart, The Tzedakah Network, matches donors with a wide range of causes and mitzvah projects (fundraising/social justice efforts launched by kids as part of their bar/bat mitzvah preparation). Other options such as CharityChoice, JustGive.org and Israel Gives sell gift cards that can be redeemed to make donations to hundreds of organizations.  You can explore all these sites (Israel Gives focuses on Israeli nonprofits) to see which has more groups or projects you and the bar/bat mitzvah child would want to support.

Books

Jewish Humor

William Novak and Moshe Waldoks’ classic Big Book of Jewish Humor ($17) has long been a popular bar/bat mitzvah gift. A newer option, Michael Krasny’s Let There Be Laughter:A Treasury of Great Jewish Humor and What It All Means ($14) just came out in fall of 2016 and boasts blurbs from such luminaries as documentary filmmaker Ken Burns and New Yorker humor writer Andy Borowitz.

Jewish Text Study

Jeffrey Salkin’s Text Messages: A Torah Commentary for Teens ($17), which addresses such issues as tattoos, social justice and sexuality and gender issues, is another good option.

Jewish Fiction

To introduce the bar/bat mitzvah child to today’s Jewish fiction writers, try The New Diaspora: Changing Landscape of American Jewish Fiction ($36), which offers a sampling from contemporary writers like Rebecca Goldstein, David Bezmogis and Jonathan Safran Foer. Alternately, expose your young reader to Latin American Jewish culture, with Ilan Stavans’ newly published Oy Caramba! An Anthology of Jewish Stories from Latin America ($23). Or give them the classics with Jewish American Literature: A Norton Anthology ($43).

Jewish Young-Adult Novels

There are also many good young-adult novels with Jewish themes and characters. Some we recommend (especially for girls) are:

• Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist (Rachel Cohn and David Levithan), about a Jewish teen who, before she leaves for a year on kibbutz in Israel, connects with a non-Jewish boy on what Tablet’s Margorie Ingall describes as an “epic urban whirlwind marathon date.” ($8)
• Intentions (Deborah Heiligman), a 2013 winner of the Sydney Taylor Award for Teen Readers, is about a teenage girl struggling with family problems, romance — and an ethical dilemma concerning her rabbi. ($10 on Kindle)
• Isabel’s War (Lila Perl), set in the Bronx during the 1940s, tells the story of a Jewish girl whose life changes when a German Jewish refugee girl comes to live with her family. ($11 on Kindle)
• Like No Other (Una LaMarche) details the love story that ensues after a Hasidic girl and her African-American neighbor get stuck in an elevator together in Brooklyn. ($10)

Jewish History and Culture

Both Great Jewish Women ($30) and Great Jews in Sports ($30) feature bite-sized entries that will inspire and entertain. We’re guessing the Jewish women one will be more popular with girls than boys, but we’re not going to make any stereotypical judgments on the sports one.

Many young American Jews wrongly assume all Jews have backgrounds and lifestyles similar to their own. Set your new adult straight with Scattered Among The Nations ($42), a beautiful coffee table book that highlights the international diversity of Jewish life. Another beautiful book bar/bat mitzvah kids can leaf through at their leisure is Passage to Israel ($29), which has photos that may inspire the bar/bat mitzvah child to learn about and visit the Jewish state.

Jewish Cookbooks

Does this bar/bat mitzvah child like cooking, or at least eating? The Gefilte Manifesto: New Recipes for Old World Jewish Foods ($24) and Modern Jewish Cooking: Recipes & Customs for Today’s Jewish Kitchen ($26), both published by young writers, offer contemporary (i.e. flavorful and a bit more health-conscious) versions of classic Jewish dishes.

For more Jewish book ideas, check out the Sydney Taylor Book Awards list, as well as the awards lists (and other recommendations) on the Jewish Book Council‘s website.

Did we overlook a great bar/bat mitzvah gift idea? Leave your suggestions in the comments below.

The post Bar Mitzvah/Bat Mitzvah Gift Guide appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

Talk with your rabbi early to know what the opportunities might be. Each synagogue is different. There is only one way to know what a congregation and a rabbi will permit family members to do: ask. Most non-Jewish parents are relieved just to know what they and their “side” of the family can do in a religious service. Rabbis and congregations owe it to their interfaith-married families to share openly the policy for non-Jewish participation in bar/bat mitzvah celebrations.

Some practical questions to ask include:

·        Can both parents be on the bimah (pulpit) as the child is called to the Torah?

·        Can non-Jewish relatives participate in any of the honors given out Friday night or Saturday morning, e.g., opening the ark, dressing the Torah, reciting specific prayers or blessings like the Prayer for the Country?

·        If the Torah is passed down through the generations, can non-Jewish parents and grandparents share in that passing?

Remember: Synagogues are in the business of helping Jewish families live Jewish lives. Each community has its limits and privileges. Just as a non-Christian would not take communion, so too, synagogues have frameworks within which non-Jewish family members can participate.

Teach non-Jewish family members about the upcoming ceremony of bar/bat mitzvah. Take the time to let non-Jewish relatives understand why your child is preparing so hard for his/her special Shabbat (Sabbath). Help them learn what Torah means, how Jews understand bar/bat mitzvah.

Among the books available, I recommend two in particular: Bar/Bat Mitzvah Basics: A Practical Family Guide to Coming of Age Together and Putting God on the Guest List: How to Reclaim the Spiritual Meaning of Your Child’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah.

Show non-Jewish family members what being Jewish means to your family and to your community. Invite them to join you when you celebrate a holiday or Shabbat in your home. Allow them to experience another child becoming a bar/bat mitzvah, so they will be more comfortable when their relative stands on the bimah.

Such preparation can begin a few months before the ceremony or even before a baby is born. But there is another type of preparation. The challenge of an interfaith family raising Jewish children is balancing each parent’s own religious tradition and the Jewish tradition in which the child is raised. Emotional and religious dynamics come to the forefront during this time. Questions parents should ask of themselves include:

·        As the non-Jewish parent, what has been my commitment to my child’s Jewish life? Have I helped to instill Jewish values and traditions? Will my participation in the ceremony be a natural extension of who I have been all along?

·        As the Jewish parent, will my spouse be comfortable participating in rituals that she or he may not believe in, or may not feel apply to her or him?

·        Has our extended family been supportive and nurturing of our decision to raise our child as a Jew? Will they be comfortable participating in a Jewish service when they themselves do not choose to be Jewish?

If the answer is “no” to any of these questions, this can be a wonderful teaching moment, where parents help their child understand that values and actions go hand in hand. Clearly, most children desire their parents and family all to celebrate. They want to be “like everyone else.” This is an opportunity for parents to teach about the statement one makes when leading Jewish worship (by accepting an honor during services). And the statement is, “I support my child’s Jewish choices, my child’s Jewish identity.”

The parent (or family) who has been uninvolved Jewishly can still celebrate authentically and participate fully in the “secular” aspects of the celebration (party, etc.) and in those aspects of the service that involve “presence” but not “participation.” In this manner, the child is honored by both parents (and family), and the child understands the privilege of “being Jewish and behaving Jewishly.”

Honest answers will help each family know what level of participation is appropriate for this “coming-of-Jewish-age” ceremony for the child.

Reprinted with permission from InterfaithFamily.com.

The post Bar/Bat Mitzvah Planning Issues for Interfaith Families appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

What do you call it?

Crafting a celebration appropriate to such teenagers is largely a question of vocabulary. 

In most non-Orthodox synagogues, there is little to distinguish the rites of passage afforded to boys and girls. The standard parts of the celebration — being called to the Torah for an aliyah, leading services, delivering a d’var Torah and engaging in a charitable project — are available equally to youth of all gender orientations. But since Hebrew is a gendered language, the words used to describe the ceremony, along with core pieces of the ritual service itself, make no allowance for youths who don’t identify as male or female or whose genders are fluid. 

Many congregations now use the term b’nai mitzvah as an inclusive, gender-neutral descriptor of this milestone moment. More recently, some synagogues have begun referring to the celebration as a b’mitzvah, b-mitzvah or b*mitzvah. If a child does identify as a specific gender, many communities will still allow them to celebrate a bar mitzvah or a bat mitzvah regardless of the gender they were assigned at birth. Others have eschewed all gender-specific terms for the celebration. Keshet, a nonprofit supporting LGBTQ equality in Jewish life, also suggests these alternatives: simchat mitzvah (celebration of mitzvah), kabbalat mitzvah (receiving mitzvah) and brit mitzvah (covenant of mitzvah).

Being Called to the Torah

Central to most b’nai mitzvah celebrations is the Torah service, in which the celebrant will often be called to the Torah for an aliyah and chant a portion from the Torah. Much of the language here is gendered. The common practice has long been to call individuals up with the Hebrew words ya’amod (“he shall rise”) or ta’amod (“she shall rise”) and identify them by their Hebrew names, which includes identifying them as the ben (“son”) or bat (“daughter”) of their parents. 

A widely cited 2022 paper adopted by the Conservative movement’s Committee on Jewish Law and Standards suggested alternative ways of doing this to honor the gender diversity in the Jewish community. In place of the gendered ya’amod/ta’amod, the paper suggests the phrase na la’amod, which means simply “please stand.” And in place of the language indicating the honoree as someone’s son or daughter, the paper suggests using mibeit (“from the house of”) or l’veit (“of the house of”), followed by the family name. A gender-neutral way of calling someone to the Torah might thus be:

Na la’amod _______ mibet ________

Please stand ______ from the house of ________

Alternatively, some may choose to use modern non-gendered Hebrew variations on the standard gendered son of/daughter of language intrinsic to traditional Hebrew. The Nonbinary Hebrew Project, a free online resource that has created a way to conjugate Hebrew nouns and verbs in non-gendered ways, suggests the word bet (as opposed to ben or bat) as a non-gendered word for “child of.” 

Other Issues

While questions of language are likely to be the primary area of concern in crafting a gender-neutral b’nai mitzvah, they are not the only ones. Giving gifts is also a common part of the celebration, and these are often gendered — kiddush cups for boys and Shabbat candlesticks or Jewish-themed jewelry for girls. Attendees might be asked instead to make a donation in the celebrant’s honor. 

Further resources:

• Keshet: Celebrating the Age of Mitzvah: A Guide for all Genders
• Nonbinary Hebrew Project

The post How to Plan a Gender-Neutral B’nai Mitzvah Celebration appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

Coming of age for a Jew, which happens automatically at age 13 for a boy and 12 for a girl, is termed bar and bat mitzvah, that is, obligated to perform the Jewish mitzvot (commandments). A ceremony marking the first performance of mitzvot such as being called up to the Torah to say the blessings (known as “getting an aliyah“) began to make sense only in the Middle Ages. Earlier, the age of majority had little practical meaning because minors were “permitted” (though not “obligated”) to perform many rituals that were later reserved only for boys who had reached the age of bar mitzvah.

Bar/Bat Mitzvah History

The history of the bar mitzvah dates back to a fifth-century rabbinic text references a blessing (still part of a traditional bar mitzvah) recited by the father thanking God for freeing him from responsibility for the deeds of his child, who is now accountable for his own actions. A 14th-century text mentions a father reciting this blessing in a synagogue when his son has his first aliyah. By the 17th century, boys celebrating this coming of age were also reading from the Torah, chanting the weekly prophetic portion, leading services, and delivering learned talks.

Religious reformers of 19th-century Europe, uncomfortable with the ritual focus of the bar mitzvah, developed the confirmation ceremony, which celebrated the acquisition of the principles of Jewish faith by older teens. The confirmation ceremony quickly included girls as well as boys and spread to Reform and later Conservative congregations in the United States.

The bat mitzvah celebration made a late appearance in the United States with the bat mitzvah of Judith Kaplan (daughter of Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan) in 1922. In the last half century, the bat mitzvah has been widely observed in liberal congregations, but has developed more slowly among traditional Jews, because women are not legally obligated by Jewish law to perform public mitzvot.

In the last three decades, an adult bar/bat mitzvah ceremony has developed that is not a coming of age, but rather an affirmation of Jewish identity for Jews who did not have bar/bat mitzvahs as children.

Bar/Bat Mitzvah Practical Aspects

The meaning of the ceremony flows out of the planning details, which themselves are determined by a familial vision of what the event will be. Families must decide with whom they will share the event, when it will take place, what kind of celebration will follow it, whether it will involve social action, and on and on.

Usually, the child will begin preparations for his or her bar/bat mitzvah about a year before the big day. At the bar/bat mitzvah, the child will generally get an aliyah and usually chant the haftarah (prophetic reading) as well. Many children also chant all or some of the weekly Torah portion and/or lead all or part of the prayer services.

Bar/Bat Mitzvah Contemporary Issues

Egalitarianism and feminism have pushed the development of meaningful bat mitzvah ceremonies for girls in traditional communities, and some Orthodox feminists want rabbis to explore the legal texts and develop a consensus on expectations for a girl’s bat mitzvah in the public sphere.

An issue that has reshaped the bar/bat mitzvah ceremony in some liberal communities is the appropriate balancing of individual desires and communal norms. When adopted children and children with non-Jewish mothers are ready for bar/bat mitzvah, for example, the issue of conversion can become a problem. Whereas the parents feel at a gut level that their children are Jewish, because they have been raised in a Jewish family, halakha (Jewish law) maintains that an adopted child is not Jewish unless formerly converted. Another instance of the increasing weight given to individual needs is the inclusion of many new ceremonies that highlight the bar mitzvah child yet may alienate regular congregants whose service is being lengthened for a child they may not even know.

While the popularity for bar/bat mitzvah ceremonies is increasing, and more Jewish pre-teens are interested in having a bar/bat mitzvah, there are many Jewish families who are not members of synagogues and are creating personal and privatized ways to mark this coming-of-age ceremony. In addition, a number of Jewish institutions are developing alternative bar/bat mitzvah ceremonies, such as the Brit Atid group bar/bat mitzvah program at New York’s Jewish Journey Project.

The post Bar and Bat Mitzvah 101 appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

Knowing what to expect ahead of time will ensure that your experience is a comfortable and positive one. While this article focuses on what to wear and do — and some of the people you will see — we recommend you also consult our Guided Tour of the Synagogue and Highlights of Shabbat Morning Worship.

Keep in mind that services (and service lengths) vary widely from congregation to congregation, depending on a synagogue’s denomination (Orthodox, Conservative, Reform etc.), its leadership and its unique customs or traditions. Dress codes — and attitudes about small children and whether or not it is acceptable to whisper with your neighbor — also vary widely. To learn more about the particular synagogue you will attend, you may want to consult its website or speak to a friend who is a member or has been there recently.

General Expectations for Synagogue Behavior

1.      Dress: Guests at a bar/bat mitzvah celebration generally wear dressy clothes — for men, either a suit or slacks, tie, and jacket, and for women, a dress or formal pantsuit. In more traditional communities, clothing tends to be dressier; women wear hats and are discouraged from wearing pants.

2.      Arrival time: The time listed on the bar/bat mitzvah invitation is usually the official starting time for the weekly Shabbat, or Sabbath, service. Family and invited guests try to arrive at the beginning, even though the bar/bat mitzvah activities occur somewhat later in the service; however, both guests and regular congregants often arrive late, well after services have begun.

3.      Prayer shawl: The tallit (tall-EET or TALL-is), or prayer shawl, is traditionally worn by Jewish males and, in liberal congregations, by Jewish women as well. Because the braided fringes at the four corners of the tallit remind its wearer to observe the commandments of Judaism, wearing a tallit is reserved for Jews. Although an usher may offer you a tallit at the door, you may decline it if you are not Jewish or are simply uncomfortable wearing such a garment.

WATCH: How to Put on a Tallit

4.      Kippah, or yarmulke: A kippah (KEEP-ah) or head covering (called a yarmulke in Yiddish), is traditionally worn by males during the service and also by women in more liberal synagogues. Wearing a kippah is not a symbol of religious identification like the tallit, but is rather an act of respect to God and the sacredness of the worship space. Just as men and women may be asked to remove their hats in the church, or remove their shoes before entering a mosque, wearing a head covering is a non-denominational act of showing respect. In some synagogues, women may wear hats or a lace head covering.

5.      Maintaining sanctity: All guests and participants are expected to respect the sanctity of the prayer service and Shabbat by:

• Setting your cell phone or beeper to vibrate or turning it off.
• Not taking pictures. Many families hire photographers or videographers and would be pleased to take your order for a photo or video memento. In traditional settings, photography is strictly forbidden on Shabbat.
• Not smoking in the sanctuary, inside the building, or even on the synagogue grounds.
• Not writing.
• Not speaking during services. While you may see others around you chatting quietly–or even loudly–be aware that some synagogues consider this a breach of decorum.

Who Participates in the Service

The Rabbi

“Rabbi” means teacher. The major function of a rabbi is to instruct and guide in the study and practice of Judaism. A rabbi’s authority is based solely on learning.

The Cantor

A cantor has undergone years of study and training in liturgy and sacred music. The cantor leads the congregation in Hebrew prayer.

The “Emissary of the Congregation” (Shaliach Tzibbur)

The shaliach tzibbur is the leader of congregational prayers, be it the cantor or another congregant. Every Jewish prayer service, whether on a weekday, Shabbat, or festival, is chanted in a special musical mode and pattern. The shaliach tzibbur must be skilled in these traditional musical modes and familiar with the prayers. Any member of the congregation above the age of bar/bat mitzvah who is familiar with the prayers and melodies may serve as shaliach tzibbur.

The Gabbai

The gabbai, or sexton, attends to the details of organizing the worship service. The gabbai finds a shaliach tzibbur, assigns aliyot, and ensures that the Torah is read correctly.

The Lay Leaders

Members of the congregation may participate in all synagogue functions and leadership roles. Any knowledgeable Jew is permitted and encouraged to lead the prayers, be called up to say a blessing over the Torah (called “receiving an aliyah“), read from the Torah, and chant the Haftarah.

Bar/Bat Mitzvah and Family

If a bar or bat mitzvah is taking place at services, the bar/bat mitzvah child will participate in a variety of ways, depending on the congregation’s customs. The bar/bat mitzvah may do some or all of the following: lead services, read (often chanting) from the Torah and/or Haftarah, deliver a dvar Torah — a speech about the Torah portion read that day. Family members are usually honored by being called up to say a blessing over (or read from) the Torah, and the bar/bat mitzvah child’s parents often deliver a speech.

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Think About Content

Your child becomes a bar/bat mitzvah simply by turning 13 (or 12, in some communities). There are no particular ritual obligations, and though chanting Torah or Haftarah is customary, it may not be the best choice for your family. Bar/bat mitzvah youngsters can learn to lead a Havdalah service, for instance. They can complete a course of study and teach on a Jewish topic that is meaningful to them. They can present some other personalized capstone project—perhaps something artistically creative—related to Jewish learning or action. Or they may have another idea altogether.

Find a Tutor

In most North American cities, it is possible to hire a freelance rabbi or educator to prepare your child for a bar/bat mitzvah. Some tutors offer crash courses in Hebrew reading and cantillation, which would be appropriate if your child seeks a leadership role at a prayer service. Some may help plan and officiate at a bar/bat mitzvah service, others teach more of an intro to Judaism course, while still others like to explore a particular area of Torah, often choosing a topic that matches the bar/bat mitzvah child’s interests. Many tutors will help your child prepare a speech or project to reflect their learning.

Try searching the Internet to find tutors in your community, though be sure to check references and seek word-of-mouth recommendations as well.

Think About Timing

If you choose to organize a prayer service and you want your child to read from the Torah, consider services at various times during the week. Saturday morning liturgy—while customary for bar/bat mitzvahs—can be lengthy and dense. Morning services on Mondays or Thursdays are more compact, and still include Torah reading. Similarly, the afternoon service (Mincha) on Shabbat is becoming increasingly popular for bar/bat mitzvahs. It is concise, includes Torah reading, and can segue nicely into a Saturday night party. Rosh Chodesh morning services also include Torah reading. Check the Jewish calendar to find out when Rosh Chodesh falls each month.

Some Resources & Inspiration

B-Mitzvah (formerly called Brit Atid), a project of the JCC in Manhattan’s Jewish Journeys program in New York City, brings together a cohort of seventh graders who come together for monthly study parent-child study sessions. Each child also has monthly one-on-one sessions with a Jewish educator in which he or she studies the Torah portion corresponding to his or her Hebrew birth date and develops a creative way of presenting it. The program culminates in a group ceremony where each child presents his or her Torah portion. Read about one family’s Brit Atid experience.

Raising The Bar, a project of New York City’s Lab/Shul, works with families both within and outside synagogues, to create unique and theatrical bar/bat mitzvahs. Families who participate in Raising the Bar spend several months studying Torah texts and commentaries and thinking about creative, engaging ways to present the materials, often including music, video, and performance. Some Storahtelling bar/bat mitzvahs include chanting Torah and haftarah portions, while others dispense with the Hebrew entirely. Raising the Bar has had cohorts all around the world, convening study communities in large American cities, as well as the UK and Israel. They have also made a few attempts to work with families in remote locations, most recently in Alaska. So they might be able to improvise a program for your needs, as well.

Another interesting approach is that of Boulder, Colorado’s Adventure Rabbi program, which calls itself a “synagogue without walls.” Adventure Rabbi offers a variety of unconventional programs, usually with an outdoorsy twist, and they offer a few different bar/bat mitzvah tracks. They work with students long-distance via Skype, and officiants are willing to perform bar or bat mitzvahs in a child’s hometown, or even travel to a destination ceremony.

Bar/Bat Mitzvah on the Go

A meaningful family trip is another way families choose to mark a bar/bat mitzvah, either in lieu of a synagogue service or in addition to one. Israel is a traditional destination, and there is a host of resources available for families planning a bar/bat mitzvah trip to Israel. Families of children who were adopted internationally sometimes choose to travel to their child’s country of birth around the time of his or her bar/bat mitzvah.

The Trickle-Down Effect

While most of these bar/bat mitzvah innovations are taking place outside of establishment Jewish communities, even within some synagogues families and clergy are experimenting with new ways to celebrate, based on a growing sense that the traditional bar/bat mitzvah can feel rote and impersonal. In 2012 the Union for Reform Judaism launched the “B’nai Mitzvah Revolution,” with the goals of creating more engaging ways to mark a bar or bat mitzvah for the youngster and his or her family.

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Bar Mitzvah, from the Rabbinic Era to the Middle Ages

Although the Talmud uses the term bar mitzvah to signify a boy’s coming of age, the only ritual accompanying it at the time was a blessing pronounced by the father thanking God for ending his responsibility for his son’s observance of the mitzvot (commandments). Yet the talmudic understanding of maturity points more to a child’s new intellectual and moral capabilities than to his new ritual responsibilities. In fact, even young boys were permitted to perform many public mitzvot such as being called up to the Torah for an aliyah (reciting the blessings on the Torah) or wearing tefillin (phylacteries) as soon as they were capable of performing them with understanding.

Only later, in the Middle Ages, when minors were generally not permitted to perform these mitzvot, did it make sense to celebrate their first public observance. By the 14th century, sources mention a boy being called up to the Torah for the first time on the Sabbath coinciding with or following his 13th birthday. By the 17th century, boys were also reading Torah and delivering talks, often on talmudic learning, at an afternoon seudat mitzvah (ritual meal). Today the speech, usually a commentary on the weekly Torah portion, generally takes place during the morning service.

Reform’s Switch to — and from — Confirmation

The ritual focus of the bar mitzvah was a source of discomfort to religious reformers in 19th-century Europe. They promoted an additional ceremony (influenced by the Christian catechism) called confirmation, which focused on knowledge of the principles of the Jewish faith. Although first conceived for boys only, girls were included after about the first decade. Rabbi Isaac Mayer Wise, a leader of Reform Judaism in America, introduced confirmation in the United States in 1846 in Albany, New York.

Originally linked to home and school, the ceremony quickly moved to the synagogue and found a home in the holiday of Shavuot, which celebrates the giving of the Torah. Shavuot worked well, due both to its timing at the end of the secular school year and its thematic connection with the Torah, the story of the Jewish people and its relationship with God. To distinguish confirmation from bar mitzvah, its supporters emphasized its focus on doctrine rather than ritual, its coeducational scope, and its occurrence at age 16 or 17 (serving, thereby, to prolong the child’s Jewish education).

Although the popularity of bar mitzvah may have waned in liberal circles during the heyday of confirmation, it has enjoyed a rebirth in recent decades. At the same time, bat mitzvah has developed as a ritual alternative for girls in the Conservative and the Reform movements.

The Evolution of the Bat Mitzvah

Although many associate the first bat mitzvah ceremony with the 1922 one of Judith Kaplan, daughter of Reconstructionist movement founder Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan, there is evidence of earlier synagogue celebrations in Italy, France and Poland. Even Kaplan’s ceremony was a pale version of what was to come. Judith chanted the blessings over the Torah and then read a passage in Hebrew from a printed Bible, yet the innovative spark of her bat mitzvah was its focus on the ritual involvement and coming of age of one girl. Whereas many early bat mitzvahs, and even some today, took place at a Friday night service, during which the girl chanted the next morning’s haftarah (the weekly prophetic portion), today bar and bat mitzvahs are virtually identical to one another in most liberal synagogues.

Among traditional Jews, bat mitzvah has been slower to develop as a ritual observance, although the coming-of-age aspect often has been affirmed by a small party or festive meal at the girl’s home. More recently, in liberal Orthodox environments, as the Jewish education of girls has become nearly identical to that of boys, girls have begun to observe the occasion by giving talks from the pulpit after the service, either on the Torah portion or on some aspect of women’s ritual involvement.

Another influence on the development of bat mitzvah within Orthodoxy is the women’s prayer group, where women lead services (amended to leave out prayers requiring the presence of 10 men, a minyan) and read Torah and haftarah. These services offer role models for women’s ritual involvement as well as a venue for bat mitzvahs where girls can have an “aliyah” (with amended blessings), read Torah, and even lead services.

Adult Bar/Bat Mitzvahs

As early as the 1950s, there were intimations that men who had not had a bar mitzvah during adolescence felt Jewishly incomplete. In 1971, the first “belated” bar mitzvah was held and soon, as part of the movement for gender equality in Judaism, women also began participating in this new ceremony of adult identity affirmation. Either individually or in groups, men and women studied for a period of time and then ceremonially reaffirmed their connections with Judaism at a Shabbat morning service. Synagogues began to institute more formal programs of study that enabled not only women, but also men and converts, to study about Jewish history, text, liturgy, and ritual, and to learn to read Hebrew and chant from the Torah and haftarah.

The post The Surprising History of Bar/Bat Mitzvah and Confirmation appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

We naturally want to praise our kids at these sacred occasions, and one of the most moving parts of the bar or bat mitzvah ceremony to me is when we—congregational leaders, teachers, parents—are able to speak publicly about and to the Bar or Bat Mitzvah.

There is one phrase that we commonly use, however, that gives me pause, and one that I think we should refrain from using when speaking to our youth at these times: “you did a great job.”

While bar or bat mitzvah requirements will vary from congregation to congregation, community to community, the ceremony usually takes place in the context of a Shabbat service and will usually involve the Bar or Bat Mitzvah demonstrating a combination of Torah and/or haftarah reading, prayer leading, community service and delivering a d’var Torah (a teaching on the Torah portion.) And while these are learned skills, when we say “you did a great job” we are reinforcing the idea that the bar or bat mitzvah ceremony is primarily a performative act, and that the meaning of the day comes from how well the child was able to master the particular skills we ask them to do. (And that we judge our students against an objective standard and against each other.)

While we want our kids to have the skills they need to be able to live fully Jewish lives, does the quality of their Jewish life depend on how well they master those skills? Skills are measurable, but when does a spiritual life only embody measurable skills? With secular education we push back when students are ranked and rated solely on standardized assessment tests, arguing that they don’t represent the whole child. Why should Jewish life be any different?

Or even more so: spirituality is perhaps by definition immeasurable. How do we measure a sense of awe at the power and scope of the universe and the natural world surrounding us? How do we measure deep feelings of gratitude? How do we measure the ability to be inspired and challenged by sacred text and to formulate new thoughts and ideas in response to it? How do we measure compassion or generosity of spirit? How do we measure having a sense of the divine, that we are part of something greater than ourselves?

Indeed, these are the ideas we want to cultivate in our youth in order to live full Jewish adult lives, so maybe the traditional “skills” we focus on are the wrong ones, or at least we give too much attention to them.

There are lots of things we can say to our kids at the moment of their bar or bat mitzvah ceremony without focusing on how well they may have chanted their Torah portion. We can say, “I’m proud of your accomplishment”—recognizing that setting out and completing a task is in and of itself worthy of praise. We can say, “Thank you for your dedication and commitment” —recognizing that the growth comes in the process, not just in the end result. We can focus on who they are, rather than what they did.

All this is to say as well that we may need to reassess what bar or bat mitzvah means. We may need to reassess what we expect of our children in celebrating this milestone, so that we can focus on developing our children’s whole spiritual lives. And in that way they will know, and we will know, that, in their own way, they all do a good job.

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The Traditional Bar Mitzvah

The baruch she-p’tarani blessing reads, “Praised are You, Adonai our God, ruler of the universe who has excused me (from being liable) for this one (meaning, the child).” The blessing was traditionally recited by the father, and today is said by both parents in some liberal synagogues. The blessing has two forms, one that mentions God’s name and one that does not. Although this seems like a rather strange and perplexing blessing for parents at their child’s coming of age ceremony, it is entirely consistent with the spiritual significance of the event.

In traditional Judaism, children younger than bar/bat mitzvah age are exempt from the spiritual obligations of observing the Jewish mitzvot, or commandments. This means that children are not required to fast on Yom Kippur, observe Shabbat (Sabbath) prohibitions, or perform other religious rituals, although in actuality children are slowly educated about the commandments and inculcated into their eventual observance.

When children attain their Jewish legal majority, or adult status (at age 12 for a girl and 13 for a boy), they become legally and morally responsible for their own actions and religious observances in the eyes of God. At the same time, the parents are no longer responsible for any sins committed by the child. When parents recite baruch she-p’tarani, they are publicly declaring their children to be both ritually and legally responsible adults in the Jewish tradition.

For some rabbis in the liberal movements, the concept of religious liability no longer resonates, and they have chosen to omit this blessing. Yet others are either encouraging its use or offering it as an option. These rabbis are re-visioning the meaning of the blessing in a more modern context — as symbolizing a new stage in the child’s life and in the parent-child relationship. It is a form of “letting go,” in which children are becoming their own persons and must make their own moral judgments. To make the blessing more palatable to the modern ear, some of these rabbis have developed kavanot (spiritual preparations) to introduce it or new translations of the blessing itself.

In the liberal movements, most parents recite the Shehecheyanu, which reads, “Praised are You, Adonai our God, ruler of the universe, who has kept us in life, sustained us, and brought us to this day.” In fact, Jews recite this blessing at every momentous occasion and holiday, thanking God for the privilege of being alive to celebrate the event. Because of the joyous nature of this blessing, it is a significant moment in many bar/bat mitzvah celebrations in synagogues around the world.

Expanding the Parental Role With New Traditions

Over time, parents have taken on new roles in their children’s bar/bat mitzvah celebrations, which vary by synagogue and community.

1.      Presentation of a tallit. The tallit (prayer shawl) is worn by adult Jews over the age of bar/bat mitzvah, though some traditionalist Jews don’t wear one until marriage. In some synagogues, the parents publicly present their child with a tallit on the occasion of his or her first worship service as an adult Jew, sometimes accompanied by a few personal remarks to their child.

2.      Passing the Torah through the generations. When the Torah is removed from the ark, many communities invite the grandparents and parents of the child to the bimah (pulpit) and physically hand the Torah from one generation to another, symbolizing the chain and continuity of the Jewish tradition within families.

3.      Receiving aliyot to the Torah. Receiving an aliyah–that is, being called to the Torah at a Shabbat morning service to recite the blessings before and after the ritual chanting of the weekly Torah reading–is the essential ritual activity of the bar/bat mitzvah at the worship service. To honor the parents and make it possible for them to be at the reading table during their child’s aliyah and Torah reading, a custom has developed for the parents to receive an aliyah. In traditional synagogues it is less likely that the mother will be called to the Torah.

4.      Participating in leading the worship services, along with other family members. While nepotism is generally frowned on in the business world, the celebration of bar/bat mitzvah is considered an ideal opportunity for other members of the family to participate in the worship services. Family members, including parents, brothers and sisters, and more extended family members may lead parts of the worship service, chant other sections of the weekly Torah reading, or lead English readings.

5.      Making speeches to the bar/bat mitzvah child. At the end of worship services involving a bar/bat mitzvah celebration, many communities invite the parents to the bimah to share a few personal words of reflection and blessing with their child before the entire community.

These rituals are merely custom and vary from one synagogue to the next. Some are even considered controversial, as their inclusion lengthens the worship services and turns a public, communal worship service into a seemingly private event. Other communities value these customs as they emphasize the transformation of children into fully participatory adults in the Jewish community. In either case, the celebration of bar/bat mitzvah in modern synagogue worship services continues to be a case of evolution, change, and development.

The post The Parents’ Role in a Bar/Bat Mitzvah Service appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

While the Torah reading cycle proceeds from Genesis through Deuteronomy, covering the entire Five Books of Moses, only selected passages from the Prophets make it into the haftarah cycle. A cluster or three or four berakhot (blessings), depending on the occasion, follows the haftarah. Their call for prophecy to be fulfilled and for God to restore the Jewish people to Zion serve as a finale to the full set of the day’s scriptural readings, Torah and Haftarah together.

Prophets of Truth and Justice

Rabbinic literature does not discuss the origin of the practice of reading publicly from the Prophets in a formal cycle. We might look to the liturgical setting of the haftarah, then, for some clue about its intended function. In addition to berakhot (blessings) recited after the portion, every haftarah is introduced with a berakhah (blessing) praising God for having “chosen good prophets and accepted their words, spoken in truth.”

The formula goes on to note that God shows favor to “the Torah, Moses His servant, Israel His people, and the prophets of truth and justice.” This focus on the reliability of the Israelite prophets has led some scholars in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, including Adolf Büchler and Abraham Zevi Idelsohn, to speculate that the institution of the haftarah originated in bitter polemics among competing religious groups in Ancient Israel — the Jews and the Samaritans.

The Samaritans

The Samaritans were then an ethnic group rivaling the Jews in numbers, power, and influence. The Samaritans insisted on the exclusive truth of the Torah (their version differs somewhat from the Jewish Torah) and rejected all prophets after Moses. That rejection could well have formed the background for the practice of reading from the Prophets in synagogues. By declaring the prophetic books authoritative and their origin divinely inspired, the Jews may have sought to exclude Samaritans from local communities and offer a statement of opposition to a major tenet of Samaritan theology. This view is now accepted widely, but not universally, among scholars of Jewish liturgy.

Whatever the origin of the haftarah, it became, as Professor Michael Fishbane notes in the introduction to his Haftarot commentary volume (Jewish Publication Society, 2002), one of the three components of the public recitation of scripture in the ancient synagogue. This public reading reflected three sources of authority: the Torah, which is the ultimate source of law; the haftarah, which presents the words of the Prophets, who provided moral instruction and uplift; and the sermon or homily, which drew on the authority of the Rabbis to interpret and legislate.

How Were Haftarah Passages Selected?

It may be that haftarah passages were originally selected arbitrarily, by randomly opening a scroll of one of the prophetic books and reading whatever one happened to find, or at least the choice was not predetermined by tradition. So it would appear from a story in the Gospel of Luke (4:16ff.), in which Jesus, visiting a synagogue in Nazareth on a Shabbat, is handed a scroll of Isaiah and asked to open it and read from it. Jesus is reading a haftarah, it seems, and some scholars interpret the verses to mean that the place at which the reader was to begin and end was not indicated to him. (Büchler disagrees, and Ismar Elbogen, in his authoritative history of Jewish liturgy, despairs of ever answering the question definitively.)

Later, traditions developed of reading a particular passage with each weekly Torah portion. The Babylonian Talmud (Megillah 29b) suggests that a haftarah should “resemble” the Torah reading of the day. The haftarah is, in fact, usually linked to a theme or genre from the Torah reading. For example, on the week when the Torah reading features the song sung by the Israelites when they witnessed the parting of the sea at the Exodus (Exodus 15), the haftarah includes the Song of Deborah sung in response to the military victory of the chieftain Deborah and her commanding general, Barak (Judges 5). When the Torah reading relates the story of the 12 scouts sent by Moses to spy out Canaan, the haftarah (from Joshua 2) focuses on the two spies sent by Joshua to Jericho in advance of his campaign to conquer that city.

The haftarah for a given holiday is either linked closely to a core theme of the holiday’s observance or captures something of its later echoes in the Bible. Thus, the theme of God’s readiness to forgive sin underlies the choice of Jonah for the afternoon of Yom Kippur, and the observance of Sukkot in the idyllic future, as related by Zechariah, serves as the haftarah for the first day of that holiday.

Spotting the connection, sometimes very subtle, between the Torah reading and haftarah is part of appreciating the artistry of Jewish liturgy. Identifying that correlation can be a source of intellectual and aesthetic enjoyment for synagogue-goers, and is the subject of considerable commentary.

Many weeks, though, the Shabbat morning haftarah bears no relationship to that day’s Torah reading, but is instead a haftarah (or one of a series of haftarot) geared to nearby events on the Jewish calendar. On the Shabbat before Purim, for example, when the Torah reading ends with an extra passage on the destruction of Amalek, the haftarah (from 1 Samuel) recounts the tale of the Amalekite king spared by Samuel. The first word of that haftarah, “Zakhor” (“Remember”) lends its name to the day: Shabbat Zakhor.

Such is the practice on other occasions as well. The haftarah on the Shabbat between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur (the first word of which, “Shuvah,” lends its name to Shabbat Shuvah) issues a call for repentance appropriate to the 10-day period in which it falls. The haftarot of the three Shabbatot that precede Tisha b’Av sound a warning of impending disaster appropriate to the upcoming observance of the anniversary of the Temple’s destruction. For fully seven Shabbatot afterward, the haftarot offer consolation and encouragement, as if the destruction were a current event.

Not all Jewish communities share the same selections of haftarah for each Shabbat or holiday. The customs of major Jewish ethnic groups vary from each other, and even within a given group — Ashkenazi, Sephardic, Yemenite, etc. — there are local variations.

Different Literature, Different Music

Just as the Torah is traditionally chanted, not merely recited, haftarot are sung according to the traditional notation system for biblical books, called ta’amei ha-mikra or, among Ashkenazim, trope. A haftarah, unlike a Torah reading, is chanted with a separate trope in a minor key that yields a more plaintive, nuanced melody.

The person who is to read the haftarah is called to the Torah for a last, additional aliyah called “maftir.” The term (of which “haftarah” is a noun form) is related to the verb “to depart” and stems from the fact that this aliyah is an addendum to the Torah reading. Several verses at the end of the last aliyah of that day’s Torah reading are repeated in the aliyah read by or for the maftir.

Although there is no essential link between bar/bat mitzvah and the haftarah, it has become common practice for an adolescent becoming bar/bat mitzvah to take on the task of chanting the haftarah and associated blessings. In this way, perhaps, the haftarah has emerged from the shadows, where it formed merely an addendum to the “main event” of Torah reading, into the liturgical spotlight, where it is given the full attention that, one might argue, it deserves.

The post What Is the Haftarah, and Why Do We Read It? appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

But in fact her ceremony did not involve a full aliyah to the Torah [going up to the Torah and reciting blessings over its reading], and was thus a much-diminished version of what boys did. It bore considerable resemblance to a way of celebrating this passage in the synagogue that some girls in Italy and France had begun even earlier, and Rabbi Kaplan may have used for his daughter’s rite what he had heard or seen of an Italian ceremony.

Elsewhere, too, in Jewish life, girls entering adulthood had begun to take part in a public ceremony. Late in the 19th century, Joseph Hayyim Eliyahu ben Moshe of Baghdad, Ben Ish Hai. wrote (as translated by Howard Tzvi Adelman):

And also the daughter on the day that she enters the obligation of the commandments, even though they don’t usually make for her a seudah [celebratory meal], nevertheless that day will be one of happiness. She should wear Sabbath clothing and if she is able to do so she should wear new clothing and bless the Shehecheyanu prayer [for the One ‘Who gives us life, lifts us up, and carries us to this moment’] and be ready for her entry to the yoke of the commandments. There are those who are accustomed to make her birthday every year into a holiday. It is a good sign, and this we do in our house.

Another bat mitzvah ceremony, in the synagogue, was celebrated in Lvov in 1902 by Rabbi Dr. Yehezkel Caro, “rabbi for the enlightened Jews.”

What gave long-term importance to Judith Kaplan’s moment was that American culture supported transforming this hesitant beginning into wholehearted change. By the end of the 20th century, in almost all non-Orthodox congregations girls were celebrating their coming of age as b’not mitzvah through much the same ceremonies their brothers experienced.

Indeed, by the end of the 20th century, many Orthodox synagogues were doing the same kind of limited ceremony short of a full aliyah that Rabbi Kaplan had originally arranged for his daughter. And even among haredi (“ultra-Orthodox”) communities, some girls’ schools were holding a special breakfast for the class of 12-year-olds, to which mothers were invited.

In some American haredi communities, each girl signs up for a Sunday near her birthday on which to have a lunch and deliver a d’var Torah [talk on her Torah portion]. Some have proposed a party where the Bat Mitzvah might separate challah [set aside a portion of the dough in remembrance of for the first time, or do another mitzvah particular to women. Chabad-Lubavitch Hasidic communities celebrate a girl’s becoming bat mitzvah with the girl choosing a teaching of the seventh Lubavitcher rebbe to learn and discuss at a gathering of her friends and family.

For more about bat mitzvah innovations in the Modern Orthodox world, click here or see the articles below:

Our Bat Mitzvah Celebration with the Community

Empowering Bat Mitzvah Girls

Bat Mitzvah as Rite of Passage into Self and Community

Celebrating Our Daughters from Simchat Bat to Bat Mitzvah

Excerpted with permission from A Time for Every Purpose Under Heaven (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, LLC).

The post History of Bat Mitzvah appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

The post How to Choose a Mitzvah Project for a Bar/Bat Mitzvah appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

What Are the Possibilities?

A number of potential roles have evolved for the child during a typical bar/bat mitzvah ceremony.

Aliyah (the blessing over the Torah): The child is called up for the first time to recite the blessings before and after the Torah reading. This aliyah actualizes the child’s new responsibilities in the Jewish community. Girls in some communities celebrate their bat mitzvah at the Shabbat evening service and therefore do not have an aliyah. Traditionalist communities do not call women to the Torah for aliyot (the plural of aliyah). However, even in some very traditional settings, a girl may have an aliyah, although with modified blessings, in the context of an all-women’s prayer group.

Reading from the Torah: The child may chant all or part of the weekly Torah reading, which is divided into seven portions. Although it is traditional for the bar/bat mitzvah to read the final portion, called the maftir (which usually is a repetition of several verses from the seventh portion), children may read more, up to and including the entire Torah portion.

Chanting the haftarah: The child usually chants the haftarah, the weekly prophetic portion, which is associated thematically with the Torah portion. The child also chants the blessings that precede and follow the haftarah reading.

Leading the service: The child may lead one or more parts of the service. On Shabbat mornings, these would include Psukai d’zimrah, the psalms and readings that precede the morning service; Shacharit, the morning service; the Torah service; and Musaf, the additional service. At a Shabbat afternoon bar/bat mitzvah, the child may lead the Mincha (afternoon) and Maariv (evening) services, as well as the havdalah ceremony, which marks the separation between the Sabbath and the weekday.

Delivering a drasha (speech) or d’var Torah (word of Torah): The child often delivers a talk that delves into themes of the Torah portion or the haftarah. Often the child explains why these themes are important in his or her own life. The talks vary in depth according to the child’s level of scholarship and the synagogue’s tradition. The subject matter may also be more wide ranging. In traditional settings, the talk may demonstrate the child’s Talmudic expertise. In liberal settings, the talk may describe a student’s bar/bat mitzvah tzedakah, or social action, project.

Reciting a prayer: A child may offer his or her own prayer or recite a traditional one.

Saying the bar/bat mitzvah “pledge”: In liberal communities, students sometimes recite a pledge to continue their Jewish education.

Leading hamotzi and kiddush: A child may lead the blessings over the bread and wine immediately following the service.

Other Issues

Although the haftarah is traditionally chanted only at the Shabbat morning service, a girl who observes her bat mitzvah on a Friday night will often chant it then. In more traditional environments, the bar mitzvah may be held on a weekday morning to give the child the opportunity to put on tefillin, or phylacteries, for the first time.

For a bat mitzvah in a traditional environment, the girl usually will have no role in the actual congregational service, but may speak to the congregation after the service is over. In a women’s prayer service, she may perform most of the roles listed above.

The post How the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Child Participates in the Service appeared first on My Jewish Learning.

Yet Joel’s family wanted to provide him with the opportunity to declare his value and dignity before God and their community, and celebrate his journey out of the solitude of autism.

In the years since Joel’s bar mitzvah, increasing numbers of Jewish children with disabilities have sought to prepare for similar celebrations. A bar or bat mitzvah is a milestone in a person’s development as a Jew. A public celebration of reaching the age of Jewish majority, it indicates the acquisition of a certain amount of Jewish knowledge as well as interest in ongoing participation in Jewish life.

People with severe disabilities may not have acquired formal learning at a level comparable to those without disabilities, nor may they have the ability to make an ongoing commitment to education. However, they do recognize their emotional and psychic ties to the Jewish people and wish to participate in the community to the best of their ability.

Misconceptions, even prejudices, about people with disabilities linger. Some people question whether a child with a severe disability can and should have a bar or bat mitzvah ceremony. They may doubt that such a person can sustain the desire to become a bar or bat mitzvah. They may harbor rigid ideas of what the ritual entails, and may not be willing to adapt the ceremony to the needs and abilities of the person. They may not know that other people with comparable disabilities have had similar celebrations.

Family members of people with disabilities may hesitate to broach the subject for fear of rejection, or they may even be unaware of the possibilities that could be open to their loved one. Sometimes, however, people with disabilities are welcomed, and the discussion centers on how to make such an event happen.

Cooperation and Careful Planning Are Critical

Planning is the key to the success of any bar or bat mitzvah ceremony; accommodating a person with disabilities requires preparation well beyond the usual. Patience, energy, commitment, and cooperation among parents, the rabbi, cantor, and religious school teacher, and whenever possible, the person with disabilities is essential. They should consider themselves a team with one goal in mind: the development of a beautiful and meaningful ceremony that recognizes the person with a disability as a member of the Jewish community and is an affirmation of Jewish life that transcends all the usual boundaries.

Basic questions about the child, the family, the synagogue, and the professionals involved must be thoroughly discussed and resolved to everyone’s satisfaction at the outset. Starting far in advance of the target date, the team should agree on comfortable and achievable goals and a plan of action. Open, honest dialogue can prevent misunderstandings and facilitate the process.

Focus on Child’s Strengths, Weaknesses, and Unique Gifts

Discussion should begin by realistically acknowledging the young person’s strengths and limitations. All future plans can then follow in a way that maximizes his or her abilities and circumvents possible problems. An honest assessment of what is educationally and behaviorally possible for the child is essential to guide the team in designing an appropriate and meaningful experience. The focus should be both on the ceremony itself and on the preparation for it.

People learn in different ways, and preparation should be completely individualized and incorporate this child’s strongest modalities. What can he or she realistically learn and how is that learning best accomplished? Are audio or video tapes helpful? Can material be color-coded or written in large print? Parents and Jewish educators may want to consult with secular educators who may be able to be very specific in pinpointing how the child learns best and how he or she will best be able to demonstrate those accomplishments.

People who have disabilities also have unique gifts, which should be reflected in the ceremony. Preparation should consider ways to express this person’s talents and feelings about Judaism and its significance in his or her life. Does he or she have a particular love for music or dance? Can he or she paint or draw an interpretation of the Torah portion? With a goal of helping a person with disabilities feel accepted and comfortable, highlighting his or her special gifts can provide the mechanism for celebrating his or her Jewish identity. For example, one bat mitzvah girl, who is an elective mute, displayed an original painting that expressed her feelings about her Torah portion.

Modify Format of Ceremony

Once these questions have been answered, the family should determine their goal for the event. What will make it meaningful to each of them? What will make this a “real” bar or bat mitzvah for them? Who should participate and how? Who should be there to share the experience?

The cooperation of the synagogue’s professionals is critical to a successful experience. Must all bar/bat mitzvah ceremonies follow the same formula in order to be acceptable? Can the ceremony be shortened, individualized, or carried out in a completely unique manner? How willing are the professionals to help plan and expedite such a service? How supportive will the congregation be of a ceremony that is different from the usual?

The ceremony itself should be designed to take advantage of the child’s strengths and, as much as possible, to avoid problems. How predictable is this person’s behavior? What will make him or her comfortable or uncomfortable?

Preparation that is site specific can be very helpful on the big day. Decide where the service will be held and try to practice in that environment. Perhaps the synagogue is not the optimal place; the person’s home or a room at his or her school may be more comfortable and less distracting. Wherever the ceremony will be held, it is helpful to schedule some teaching sessions at the site so that the ceremony will not take place in an unfamiliar and, therefore, overwhelming environment.

Some children will manage better if the ceremony is as brief as possible, and does not coincide with a regular congregational service or other communal event. Then, the rabbi can stop or modify the service if the child becomes overstimulated or anxious. One rabbi, knowing that a young man’s attention span was approximately 15 minutes long, was prepared to finish the ceremony quickly and announce to the assembled guests that it was wonderful that they had been able to celebrate together.

The team should also identify specific stimuli that distract or overstimulate the child and plan to accommodate them. Are specific sounds upsetting? Are crowds too stimulating? Does making eye contact upset the person? The child could face away from the congregation to avoid being frightened or overstimulated by eye contact with the crowd. Are certain articles of clothing irritating? This child should wear comfortable and familiar clothing, not something new, stiff, and uncomfortable. Does the person need to stand or walk between prayers? Does he or she need to sit throughout the ceremony because alternating standing and sitting is overwhelming? Aware that one bar mitzvah boy might wander throughout the sanctuary, the rabbi explained to the congregation that the entire room was the bimah [pulpit] that day. If the people planning the ceremony can answer questions like these in advance and take the appropriate steps to make the person with disabilities feel comfortable and relaxed, the day will prove much more successful and pleasant for everyone.

The ultimate success of such a ceremony is a triumph, not only for the individuals involved, but for the entire Jewish community. The bar or bat mitzvah of a young person with a disability demonstrates vividly what Judaism is, or should be, about. The challenges are not insurmountable; it only takes the willingness to plan ahead, flexibility, and creativity. In this way, we can truly “educate each child according to his or her ability,” and fulfill our obligation to provide a Jewish education for every child.

For more thoughts and insights about planning a bar/bat mitzvah for someone with special needs you may want to watch the film Praying with Lior about a boy with special needs and his family planning his bar mitzvah.

Reprinted with permission from JewishFamily.com.

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It would be less than the whole truth to say that I was as full of enthusiasm about the subject of the ceremony as my father was. I was worried about the attitude of my own peers, the early teenagers who even then could be remarkably cruel and disapprove of the “exception,” the person who does not conform to the normal practice.

On the Shabbat morning of my bat mitzvah, we all went together–father, mother, disapproving grandmothers, my three little sisters, and I–to the brownstone building on 86th Street [in New York City] where the Society for the Advancement of Judaism carried out all its functions.

Women’s rights or no women’s rights, the old habit of separating the sexes at worship died hard. The first part of my own ordeal was to sit in that front room among the men, away from the cozy protection of mother and sisters.

The service proceeded as usual, through Shacharit, the morning service, and through the Torah reading. Father was called up for the honor of reading the maftir, the last section of the Torah reading.

When we finished the haftarah, a reading from the Prophets, I was signaled to step forward to a place below the bimah at a very respectable distance from the scroll of the Torah, which had already been rolled up and garbed in its mantle. I pronounced the first blessing, and from my own Chumash, the Five Books of Moses, read the selection that my father had chosen for me, continued with the reading of the English translation, and concluded with the closing berakhah, “blessing.”

That was it. The scroll was returned to the ark with song and procession, and the service resumed.

No thunder sounded, and no lightning struck. The institution of bat mitzvah had been born without incident, and the rest of the day was all rejoicing.

Eisenstein shares her impressions of her bat mitzvah experience in this excerpt reprinted with permission from The Book of the Jewish Life (UAHC Press).

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What Will be Expected?

Synagogues

and schools vary greatly in their bar/bat mitzvah expectations, though most require students to lead certain prayers, read or chat some text (Torah and Haftarah), and deliver a d’var Torah (sermon). Some also require tasks not directly related to the bar/bat mitzvah service such as volunteer projects, written research reports, and/or attendance at religious services.

Most medium and large synagogues assign bar/bat mitzvah dates according to children’s birth dates; smaller congregations usually take date requests. Ask about your community’s standards as soon as your child’s bat/bat mitzvah date is set.

When you receive the list of requirements, set a realistic timetable for fulfilling them. A child who has a busy sports schedule may find it easier to complete a community service project as much as a year early, during the summer. A child who does not want to miss summer camp in order to prepare for an early fall bar/bat mitzvah service may ask to reschedule the service for later in the school year, or may decide to start tutoring well in advance, completing all preparations before heading off to camp. Make sure to include your child in the process of budgeting time, allowing him or her to set priorities and measurable goals.

The simplest and most often overlooked method to prepare your child for the bar/bat mitzvah service is to make a habit of attending services together at least once a month, starting two years before the bar/bat mitzvah. There is no substitute for frequent exposure to the liturgy, practice with Hebrew, and the support of sitting beside a parent who takes the time to prioritize communal prayer. While attending services, talk to the rabbi, cantor, or service leader at your congregation to see if children can come up to the bimah (altar) ahead of their bar/bat mitzvah to lead a prayer.

Assess Your Child’s Strengths, Challenges and Preferences

Parents are generally experts on their own kids. You know if your child is a high-achieving procrastinator who pulls things together at the last minute, works well independently, has a hard time meeting deadlines, or whizzes through work but does it sloppily. All of these factors can have an enormous impact on your child’s bar/bat mitzvah preparation.

However, many parents don’t keep track of how well their kids read Hebrew or which synagogue skills they’ve mastered.

If you are able to do so, sit with your fifth or sixth grader and have him or her read some prayers that may be familiar, like the Shema or the Amidah. Also challenge your child to read some previously unseen Hebrew text from your congregation’s prayer book.

As you assess the fluency of your child’s reading, look for specific Hebrew skills such as recognizing vowels and distinguishing between letters pronounced differently with and without a dot (dagesh). Does your child experience letter confusion, for example, mixing up tav and het? Does he or she have a hard time keeping the place while reading?

If you are not able to determine these things by yourself, have a teacher or administrator at your child’s school, or a private tutor, do an assessment of your child’s Hebrew skills. If you discover reading deficits, arrange a few tutoring sessions. If the challenges seem more significant, speak with your rabbi or synagogue educator about how to receive more specialized help, adjust service expectations, or delay the bar/bat mitzvah service.

Before beginning bar/bat mitzvah prep in earnest, you can also empower your child to assess his or her own preferred learning styles by using an online test supported by multiple intelligence theory (like this one). Discuss with your child how to harness his or her learning strengths and preferences during the bar/bat mitzvah process.

For example, a verbally gifted child might enjoy writing an original midrash instead of a more conventional d’var Torah, while a theatrically gifted student might prefer to perform a monologue in a biblical character’s voice. A shy child might choose a community service project with an animal shelter or a community garden, rather than a project working with many strangers. Encouraging students to draw on their own talents and interests allows them to personalize the bar/bat mitzvah experience and create a stronger, more independent Jewish identity.

Working with a Tutor

After you’ve done initial assessments of Hebrew and other learning preferences, it will be time to begin preparing for the bar/bat mitzvah service, most often with a tutor. Synagogues have different systems of tutoring: cantor, on-staff tutor, independently hired tutors, and teen peer tutoring networks. Sometimes families have a choice of tutor, and sometimes they do not. Regardless, communicating your child’s needs to his or her tutor is vital. The tutor should know about your child’s learning styles and work habits, and should have a good sense of what your child finds fun.

Generally, students work with tutors once a week, and are encouraged to practice on their own between tutoring sessions. However, certain students, particularly those with relatively high interpersonal intelligence, do better meeting with a tutor more frequently. If your family can afford it, extra tutoring meetings can be helpful for this kind of student. A more economical option is to augment tutoring sessions by having a family member, friend, or classmate review prayers and text readings with your child on a fixed schedule.

A particular area in which students can exercise independence is in their relationship with their tutor. Allow your child and his or her tutor to discover what modes of communication, feedback, and encouragement work best for them. Trusting your tutor to monitor your child’s progress can take some of the pressure off you. Your child and his/her tutor can set their own study schedule; don’t step in unless you’re asked for specific help.

Room to Grow

Some bar/bat mitzvah students are able to keep their work organized, practice unsupervised, schedule appointments, and meet deadlines by themselves; most won’t be ready for this level of responsibility and may want more of a partnership with their parents during the process. Bar and bat mitzvah students are often ambivalent about how much their parents should participate in the preparations for their “special day.” Encourage your child to voice what he or she needs from you in order to succeed.

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The practice is so widespread today that the Women’s League for Conservative Judaism has produced a carefully articulated curriculum to enhance the meaningfulness of the experience. Learning to read Hebrew is required. Biblically based yet religiously encompassing, the study period culminates in the preparation of a specific Torah portion and Haftarah [prophetic reading] to be chanted in the synagogue on a Shabbat morning. There is definitely comfort in numbers. Doing the bat mitzvah as a group lessens the tension of performing in public. Each participant must master only a part of the whole.

A few years ago, a large Solomon Schechter (Conservative movement-affiliated) elementary day school appointed its first rabbi-in-residence, a post vital to intensifying the religious atmosphere and programming of the school. A number of the women on the faculty approached her about preparing them for an adult bat mitzvah. She readily agreed provided that the ceremony be held in the school. After two years of serious study, the teachers celebrated their bat mitzvah in a service attended by all the students in the school. The event was role modeling at its best. To see their teacher and colleague reach for holiness transformed students and teachers alike.

The reward that comes from an adult bat mitzvah is commensurate with the effort. A second chance brings with it a heightened state of consciousness. We would not be there if we didn’t appreciate what we missed. The bonding with fellow adult learners, the illumination of Jewish texts, rituals and values and the mastering of a new set of skills fill us with pride and meaning. The growth brings us closer to God even as it affirms our vitality.

The power of this new ritual is infectious. Men who never celebrated a bar mitzvah or endured one bereft of spiritual content are beginning to ask their rabbis for equal attention. To cast study in the mold of ritual is to infuse it with sanctity.

What prompts me to speak of the innovation of an adult rite of passage is the briefest of narrative fragments in our Torah portion. Out of Egypt a year, the Israelites are instructed by Moses to observe their first Passover in the wilderness. Some, however, inform Moses that they have been rendered impure by contact with a corpse and therefore are prohibited from sacrificing and consuming the Paschal offering on the assigned day. Yet given the momentous nature of this first anniversary, they do not want to be excluded.

Moses seeks God’s counsel and returns with a unique concession, that individuals who are precluded from participating by virtue of defilement or being on a long journey may offer the paschal sacrifice exactly one month later, that is on the twilight of the 14th of Iyar rather than the 14th of Nisan (Numbers 9:1-14). The accommodation gave rise to what became known as Pesach Sheni or a second Passover which remained operative as long as the Temple stood. Today the date on the calendar is merely noted by the slightest of changes in the morning prayer service.

But the passage remains noteworthy. For one, it offers a classic example of the intimate connection between nomos and narrative in the Torah. Law repeatedly springs from a narrative context, in our case a lasting ritual concession from a minor historical incident. The Torah is far more than a codification of law, though at its core it most assuredly is a legal digest whose disparate ordinances are often put into a narrative setting for effect and explication.

Secondly, the passage reveals a striking exception. No similar concession is granted for missing any other festival. There is no second chance for those who for some valid reason are unable to observe Sukkot or Yom Kippur. The added dimension of Passover seems to be its thoroughly national character. It commemorates the founding of ancient Israel as God’s emissary to humanity. Each time that the nation was reconstituted by Joshua, Hezekiah, Josiah and Ezra, the occasion was marked by a public celebration of the Passover festival.

The import of Pesach Sheni seems to be the integration of the individual into the religious polity. To sacrifice the Paschal lamb was to reaffirm one’s sense of belonging. Hence, the possibility of a second chance. Annually, everyone had to avow and renew the bonds of national affiliation.

Pesach Sheni ended up more important in a psychological vein. The accommodation caught the optimistic spirit of Judaism. Human beings are endowed with the capacity to avail themselves of a second chance. Neither habit nor fate is the final arbiter of what we do with our lives. Pesah Sheni brings to mind the stirring odyssey of Rabbi Akiva whose life turned on the intrusion of a second chance.

As a young man, according to the Talmud, Rabbi Akiva was no more than an illiterate shepherd for one of the richest men in Jerusalem. His daughter, however, fell in with Rabbi Akiva because of his modest demeanor. She also recognized his innate talent and promised to marry him if he would go off to study Torah. He agreed and they married secretly. But when her father discovered the breach of social etiquette, he drove them from his home, disowning his daughter.

Despite their dismal poverty, the couple adhered to their plans and each other. For 12 years, Rabbi Akiva left his wife to study at the academy of Rabbi Eliezer and Rabbi Yehoshua. Ready to return, he learned indirectly that his devoted wife would endure another dozen years of widowhood if her husband would continue to study. Again he heeded her wishes.

Finally, after an absence of 24 years, Rabbi Akiva, now the greatest scholar of his age, did come home with an entourage of students. As his shabbily clad wife approached to embrace him, they tried to rebuff her. But Rabbi Akiva immediately recognized her and told his students, “What is mine and yours is actually hers.”

Achievement had not gone to his head. Still modest, he acknowledged that his awesome erudition owed everything to the judgment and loyalty of his helpmate (Babylonian Talmud, Ketubot 62b-63a).

The story is not without a touch of irony. The primary founder of rabbinic Judaism was a second-career student! Had his far-sighted and long-suffering spouse not provided him with a second chance, his flock would not have changed. After Rabbi Akiva, citizenship in the Jewish polity was acquired through the study of Torah. Age ceased to be a barrier. It is never too late to start. Nor, in fact, is there a point at which we are entitled to stop.

For the beneficiaries of the Exodus and Sinai, Torah became the link to God, the world and the Jewish people.

Reprinted with permission of the Jewish Theological Seminary.

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But adult bar or bat mitzvah happens at many ages and for many reasons. The bar or bat mitzvah ceremony isn’t a mandatory rite of passage; by Jewish law, a boy reaches adulthood when he turns 13 and a girl at 12, no ceremony required. The very lack of necessity makes such an effort even more remarkable as a concrete, hard-won, and public affirmation of Jewish identity and commitment.

Why No Bar/Bat Mitzvah Until Now?

Most of the reasons that Jews don’t have bar or bat mitzvah ceremonies when they’re children fall into two broad categories: couldn’t or didn’t want to. “I was feeling kind of atheistic at that point in my life,” said Ron, a film producer in Los Angeles who grew up belonging to a Conservative synagogue on Long Island. “I remember talking with the other boys at my temple, and they all said they were doing it for a big party and lots of presents. And I just felt at that point that, not having the religious conviction, I didn’t want to go through this ceremony just to have a party and presents. It felt very hypocritical to me.”

“My parents were not at all religious, and they just didn’t believe in having a bar mitzvah,” said David, a Toronto businessman raised in Queens by “left-wing Jewish educators.”

The spiritual alienation felt at 13 by Jane, a Los Angeles copyeditor, came from a different source. “That was right when my parents got divorced, and I hated them,” she said. “I didn’t feel very religious at that point.”

Converts to Judaism, who of course weren’t Jewish at 12 and 13, form a natural and ever-expanding source of adult bar and bat mitzvah candidates. Joe, a vice president of his Reform temple on Cape Cod, celebrated his bar mitzvah at age 45, 13 years after his conversion. “In those 13 years, I had become a Jew. Clearly it was time for me to take the next step. I wanted to set an example for my children, and they weren’t old enough until recently to appreciate (or remember) such an event.” On the personal level, Joe adds, “I wanted a deeper understanding and appreciation for my chosen religion.”

By contrast, Susan was already studying for her bat mitzvah at her suburban New York synagogue at the time she became Jewish. “I needed and wanted to know more. As a Jew, I have the right to embrace all that this religion has to offer, and I have every intention of doing just that.”

Ron revised his thinking about religion in his mid-20s. “I had rediscovered my Judaism, and I had rediscovered my belief in God,” he said. “I think the experience of going through [bar mitzvah] when it meant something to me personally and spiritually was so much richer than it might have been doing it as a stupid 13-year-old kid.”

Sue had chosen summer camp over the type of bat mitzvah girls in most Conservative synagogues were offered in the 1960s. She decided, after losing a husband to cancer at age 22 and finding solace in an egalitarian congregation, that “I finally felt like a grown-up and it was time to make a public proclamation to that effect with a bat mitzvah.”

Jane, who was 25 when she celebrated her bat mitzvah at a Conservative synagogue, said she doesn’t need to rebel any more. Her mother, whose family was “not that religious” when she was growing up, will share the day with Jane, in part to set an example of Jewish commitment for Jane’s seven-year-old sister.

David says his bar mitzvah at age 42 wasn’t the culmination of a spiritual quest but was more about identity. “I felt I needed to read from the Torah; I felt it was something that I didn’t do as a youngster and that being Jewish and having a Jewish identity was important to me,” David said. “As much as I will deny having any type of spiritual connection, I have to say that reading from the Torah was a magical experience.”

Studying Together Creates Community

Adults who pursue bar or bat mitzvah generally study in a synagogue-based class or one-on-one with a rabbi, sometimes for a year or more, learning Hebrew and the skills needed to conduct part of the service, and analyzing the relevant Torah portion. Studies can also include Torah chanting, haftarah (a reading from the prophetic books of the Bible), theology, and Jewish history and tradition. The ceremony may be a solo effort or a shared experience among the members of a class.

“I enjoyed sitting around the table with the rabbi and the other students, discussing different aspects of Judaism and Torah and Hebrew,” Ron said.

Susan called the friendships that formed in her class “the icing on the cake. The eight of us remain friends and are there for each other in good times and bad.”

“The event was one of the most joyous and fulfilling experiences of my life,” Joe said of his class’s ceremony. Along with families and friends, he said, the hall “was packed with members of the congregation who came just because it was an important event that they wanted to witness. Many parents came with their children.”

Susan called the enormous turnout at her bat mitzvah “truly a community celebration.” But just as important, she said, the ceremony didn’t represent the end of a path, but a milestone in her journey as a learner. “The class served as a wonderful overview of this religion, but it’s only the tip of the iceberg,” she told the congregation from the bima. “My education has just begun.”

Reprinted with permission from JewishFamily.com.

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In part, I was inspired by the Torah teaching about the parah adumah, also known as the red heifer. The Torah teaches us that there is a long process to purify someone who touches a dead body. The first step is to find a red heifer that has never borne a yoke, which means it has never been used for work. It is then slaughtered and burned with other ingredients. Finally, the ashes are collected and are eventually mixed with holy water to use for the purification ritual.

What I found interesting was that three people became impure for one day in the process of making the ashes. These three people sacrificed their own purity for the sake of the community’s purity. They sacrificed their time for the greater good of the community. This showed me that the sacrifices of a few people can benefit many.

I decided to help the Ugandan Jewish Community by raising money to help them purchase mosquito nets.  It is important to help those in need. I feel by helping the Ugandan Jewish Community I am helping my Jewish community because we are one big family. In our tradition, helping each other is considered a mitzvah.

I learned about the need for mosquito nets when Rabbi Gershom Sizomu from the Abayudaya Ugandan Jewish community visited my synagogue and stayed with my family. Spending time with him, I learned about malaria and ways to prevent it. This is a global issue and impacts more people than just those in Uganda. I consider myself a citizen of the world.

Through the celebration of my bar mitzvah, I shared education about the use of mosquito nets and the prevalence of malaria in the Ugandan community. Educating my family and friends helped me to become more aware of this and other situations outside America. I enjoy learning about new things, especially those that increase my awareness of the world around me. The education proved to be influential to my loved ones, who were willing to provide donations to support the Ugandan Jewish Community.  

I also want to see my community’s actions extend further than just my congregation. I am excited to see the positive impact my loved ones have on the global community. I hope to someday meet the people and visit the place that, together, we have helped. When I began, I saw this project like the parah adumah the red heifer, as a sort of sacrifice. But I’ve learned through doing that this is not really a sacrifice but a mitzvah.

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