As those words were hanging out there, up popped an alert on my phone, a story and photo essay about the riots in Newark, N.J. — 50 years ago this summer. It’s also the 50th anniversary of Israel’s Six-Day War, a time of serious reflection in the Israeli and American Jewish Diaspora community. For reasons geographic and systemic, it’s fair to say that plenty of people around back then missed out on the love, too.

The good news? It’s not too late to get in on the Summer of Love, 2017 style. Each year, in the dog days of summer, our text and our tradition point us towards love. Coming out of the intense mourning of Tisha B’Av, we find ourselves poised at the nexus of Shabbat Nachamu, the Shabbat of Comfort and Shabbat Vaetchanan, this Shabbat on which we read the Torah’s commandment to love God with all our heart, with all our soul, with all our strength. And just days from now, largely unnoticed outside of  Israel, we’ll celebrate Tu B’Av—the “Jewish Valentine’s Day.” And, while the modern celebrations mirror our Hallmark holiday, Tu B’Av appears in rabbinic literature and beyond as a day of comfort and healing, a return to love after the pain and grief of Tisha B’Av — commemorating tragedies in Jewish history and considered to be the saddest day on the Jewish calendar.

The most well-known text about Tu B’Av appears in the Talmud, which boldly states that:

There never were in Israel greater days of joy than Tu B’Av and Yom Kippur. On these days the daughters of Jerusalem used to walk out in white garments which they borrowed in order not to put to shame any one who had none …

The daughters of Jerusalem came out and danced in the vineyards exclaiming at the same time, “Young man, lift up your eyes and see what you choose for yourself. Do not set your eyes on beauty but set your eyes on [good] family.” As it says, “Grace is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman that fears the lord, she shall be praised.” (Ta’anit 26b)

At first glance, it seems strange to put Tu B’Av, a seemingly frivolous day, with Yom Kippur, the holy of holy days. For the rabbis, though, the connection was clear, and even today, Tisha B’Av marks the beginning of the counting towards the High Holy Days; this Shabbat, Shabbat Nachamu, is the first of the 7 Shabbatot of consolation, that lead us to Rosh Hashanah.

My colleague, Rabbi Sharon Brous, spoke several years ago about what she called “Yom Kippur Love,” which she described as:

love that starts from a place of deep honesty and vulnerability. Yom Kippur love says: I’m giving you access to my fears, my hopes, to me. I will let you see the best and also the worst of me. I will let you see my soul – and I want to see yours. Show me your scars – I promise not to run.

And so, the question for us — the question of these days of consolation — is how do we get to that sort of love? How do we create it, cultivate it, and offer it?

The days leading up to Tisha B’Av are meant to be days of vulnerability, of uncertainty, of tension and of anxiety. We know that, and our tradition teaches, it takes a while to move out of that space; we do not wake up the next day suddenly feeling grounded and ready to move forward. Tu B’Av, according to another Midrash, is the day we say that we are ready to move forward, that we are ready to begin healing, that we are ready to begin growing. Maybe we are also ready to love. And that, I think, is how we inch toward Yom Kippur love. If Tisha B’Av breaks us down, communally, perhaps Tu B’Av begins to raise us up. We need both the shattering and the rebuilding — to be able to stand both broken and whole come Yom Kippur.

The work of the month of Elul is clearly laid out for us; it is the work of cheshbon hanefesh, of an accounting of our souls, our actions, of taking stock of who we are now and who we want to be next year. But what do we do until then? Love. If the cause of Tisha B’Av, according to the sages, is sinat chinam — baseless hatred, what would it look like to live our lives in ahavat chinam, in baseless love.

I  was deeply moved when Lin Manuel Miranda, of “Hamilton” fame, accepted his 2016 Tony Award with a sonnet composed that day, in the wake of a shooting at a gay nightclub in Orlando, Florida.  

We chase the melodies that seem to find us

Until they’re finished songs and start to play

When senseless acts of tragedy remind us

That nothing here is promised, not one day.

This show is proof that history remembers

We lived through times when hate and fear seemed stronger;

We rise and fall and light from dying embers, remembrances that hope and love last longer

And love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love cannot be killed or swept aside.

The Torah gives us three separate obligations to love. One, quoted by Rabbi Hillel as the essence, the unifying principle, of Judaism: v’ahavta l’re-echa kamocha: you shall love your neighbor as yourself. Then, there’s the one we will read this Shabbat: v’ahavta et Adonai elohecha—you shall love Adonai your God. And, just a few chapters later: V’ahavtem et ha-ger: you, all of you, shall love the stranger.

Not your partner. Not your parents. Not your children. You shall love: Neighbor, God, stranger. The words of the V’ahavta, taken from this week’s Torah portion, are recited not just once a year but daily. We are commanded, to love people — and a Being — we may never meet, never know, never touch. We are commanded to love not just those with whom we share hopes and dreams, not those with whom we share the joys and challenges of everyday life — but, in fact, those who can seem most distant, most different.

Tu B’Av is not meant to be transformative, but it is meant to be preparatory. And if we can figure out how to love our neighbor, our God, and the stranger, perhaps we will be ready to love more deeply our spouse, our parents, our children and ourselves. Perhaps, if we can look at the world — or someone in it — with ahavat chinam tomorrow, then we might be ready, seven or so weeks from now, to stand before our neighbor, our God, and ourselves, ready for that Yom Kippur love.

(Portions of this piece were delivered at Congregation Rodeph Sholom in New York City, and appeared on Rabbi Laufer’s blog)

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There is no way to know exactly how early Tu B’Av began. The first mention of this date is in the Mishnah (compiled and edited in the end of the second century), where Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel is quoted saying:

There were no better (i.e. happier) days for the people of Israel than the Fifteenth of Av and Yom Kippur, since on these days the daughters of Israel/Jerusalem go out dressed in white and dance in the vineyards. What were they saying: Young man, consider whom you choose (to be your wife)? (Ta’anit, Chapter 4)

Origins of the Date

The Gemara (the later, interpretive layer of the Talmud) attempts to find the origin of this date as a special joyous day, and offers several explanations. One of them is that on this day the Biblical “tribes of Israel were permitted to mingle with each other,” namely: to marry women from other tribes (Talmud, Ta’anit 30b). This explanation is somewhat surprising, since nowhere in the Bible is there a prohibition on “intermarriage” among the 12 tribes of Israel. This Talmudic source probably is alluding to a story in the book of Judges (chapter 21): After a civil war between the tribe of Benjamin and other Israelite tribes, the tribes vowed not to intermarry with men of the tribe of Benjamin.

It should be noted that Tu B’Av, like several Jewish holidays (Passover, Sukkot, Tu Bishvat) begins on the night between the 14th and 15th day of the Hebrew month, since this is the night of a full moon in our lunar calendar. Linking the night of a full moon with romance, love, and fertility is not uncommon in ancient cultures.

For almost 19 centuries — between the destruction of Jerusalem and the re-establishment of Jewish independence in the State of Israel in 1948 — the only commemoration of Tu B’Av was that the morning prayer service did not include the penitence prayer (Tahanun).

In recent decades Israeli civil culture promotes festivals of singing and dancing on the night of Tu B’Av. The entertainment and beauty industries work overtime on this date. It has no formal legal status as a holiday —  it is a regular workday — nor has the Israeli rabbinate initiated any addition to the liturgy or called for the introduction of any ancient religious practices. The cultural gap between Israeli secular society and the Orthodox rabbinate makes it unlikely that these two will find a common denominator in the celebration of this ancient/modern holiday in the foreseeable future.

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In earlier times, there were different settings for the making of matches. In those days, matches were often made at fairs where the multitudes gathered. In the book Yeven Metzula (Abyss of Despair) by Rabbi Nathan Nata Hanover, the author describes how thousands converged upon the fair in Poland in the years prior to the Chmielnicki massacres (1648-1649). The open fairs of the summer were held on the seaside villages of Zaslow and Yerislav and attracted great numbers of people. The fair was a place for socializing, conducting business, and relaxation. It served as a brief respite from the difficulties of life.

Tu B’ Av marked the end of the summer sessions in the yeshivas of Poland and thousands of students would converge upon the fair with their instructors. There, they studied with students from other yeshivas.

Naturally, the fair was also an ideal place for networking and the arrangement of marriages. Rabbi Hanover wrote, “Whoever had a son or daughter of marriageable age journeyed to the fair, and there arranged a match. There was ample opportunity for everyone to find their type and suit. …hundreds and sometimes thousands of such matches would be arranged at the fair” (Yeven Metzula, p. 63).

A rabbinical ruling was issued regarding matchmaking at fairs. A convention of Poland’s rabbinical leadership, the Council of the Four Lands, which met at a fair in Lublin, Poland, in 1580, ruled that the payment of more than one fee to the matchmaker (for a successful match) was prohibited, even if more than one matchmaker was involved. They further stipulated that the fee would be set according to the means of the families of the betrothed (Shmuel A. Arthur Cygielman, Jewish Autonomy in Poland and Lithuania Until 1649, Zalman Shazar Center for the Furtherance of the Study of Jewish History, Jeruslaem, 1991, page 263).

The fairs in Poland were a substitute for the open fields in biblical times. The times, circumstances, and locations in which marriages were arranged have frequently changed over time and they continue to change. Diverse situations, however, offer the same opportunities for those in search of their bashert (destined one) and allow for the continuity of the Jewish people.

Reprinted with permission from The Jewish Holidays: A Journey Through History (Jason Aronson).

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In the glow of a full summer moon, young women, robed in white, would dance in the fields outside the walls of Jerusalem. The men would follow in hopes of finding a bride. This ancient Jewish love festival is called Tu B’Av because it was celebrated on the 15th day of the Hebrew month of Av (the Hebrew letters for “Tu” equal the number 15). Coming one week after Tisha B’Av, the saddest day of the Jewish year, Tu B’Av is celebrated outside of the walls of the city, away from the Temple Mount, the site of the destruction.

Whereas Tisha B’Av is the day when [tradition says] God declared that the Jews would wander 40 years in the desert (until the generation that knew slavery died out), Tu B’Av is the day when, 40 years later, the remaining 15,000 Israelites of the desert generation were told they would be able to enter the Promised Land. God was able to forgive the Jewish people on this day, even for the sin of having built and worshiped a Golden Calf.

In the Talmud (Ta’anit 4:8) we read that Rabbi Simeon ben Gamliel said there never were in Israel greater days of joy than the 15th of Av and the Day of Atonement. On these days the daughters of Jerusalem used to walk out in white garments that they borrowed in order not to put to shame anyone who had none. The daughters of Jerusalem danced in the vineyards exclaiming, “Young man, lift up your eyes and see what you choose for yourself. Do not set your eyes on beauty but set them on good family. Grace is deceitful and beauty is vain. But a woman that fears God, she will be praised.”

Rabbi Simeon’s linking of Tu B’Av and Yom Kippur is at first disturbing. Why does the Jewish year end with a celebration of love? The answer says a lot about Judaism’s unique perspective on relationships, a perspective that could enhance courtship today.

Tu B’Av, like Yom Kippur, is about introspection and new beginnings concerning our relationships and personal values. How courting was done is indicative of this view. The young girls borrowed white dresses so that the young men could not choose among them according to materialistic concerns. The Talmud teaches that women set the rules; the women admonish their suitors to pick not according to beauty, but by the good name of the women’s families and by their fear of God. Today we live in a world that is status and fashion conscious, a world of beauty pageants and beauty ideals set by television and movies, and some synagogues are even described as “meat markets” where one goes to look over the unmarried merchandise.

Tu B’Av tells us to look beneath the surface when looking for (or at) a life partner, just as Yom Kippur forces us to look deep into ourselves before God grants us life anew. Like Yom Kippur, Tu B’Av is a time for reflection and introspection. But instead of being an individual process, it is a mutual, shared experience between two people.

Tu B’Av is a great day for weddings, commitment ceremonies, renewal of vows, or proposing. It is a day for enhancing current relationships or defining anew what you are looking for in a partner. It is a day for romance, explored through singing, dancing, giving flowers, and studying. The rabbis teach that on Tu B’Av one begins to set more time for studying Torah as the High Holidays approach.

 Reprinted with permission of the authors from Jewish Family and Life: Traditions, Holidays, and Values for Today’s Parents and Children, published by Golden Books.

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Having gotten married just over a month ago, love is on my mind. And thanks to Facebook, love is on my mind even more. The past several weeks have seen the “Love Your Spouse Challenge” on Facebook, a social media exercise that asks people to post a photo a day for seven days showing them and their spouse in love.

I’m not one of those people who posts a lot of photos on Facebook, and I decided not to participate in the “Love Your Spouse Challenge.” I am pretty sure that my spouse knows I love him even without my posting about him on Facebook.

While of course I think it’s fine to post joyful moments on Facebook, it’s important to recognize these can be hard for friends who are experiencing loss or sadness. Having many friends who have faced fertility struggles, I understand how hard it can be for them to see photos of ultrasounds and newborns on Facebook. Mother’s Day and Father’s Day posts can be especially challenging for people for all sorts of reasons.  And some of my single friends have recently given voice to how “in your face” the recent Facebook posts on love can feel.

As a consumer of social media, I try to remember that what people post and see on social media is just a tiny snapshot of one’s experiences. We tend to only put our best selves on the internet. And we often forget that that’s what most others are doing too.

Studies about social media have shown that the more we look at Facebook, the more unhappy we are. We see over-curated digital lives of our friends, we compare ourselves, and then we feel a decrease in self-esteem. We forget that the perfect photos from others’ lives reflect only their highlight reels – the best moments they choose to put forward. It turns out the studies tell us that we actually increase our positive feelings when we look at our own Facebook pages, where we tend to put the best of ourselves forward.

Comparing ourselves to others on Facebook is risky because we forget that we are looking at highly curated content. Several bloggers have joked about how the “Love Your Spouse Challenge” doesn’t reflect the realities of married life – which is not all about smiles and bliss. There’s always more nuance to our lives.

There’s a risk of comparing ourselves to others, whether on social media or in other areas of our lives. Judaism has an important message here, shared in a legend about a righteous man named Zusya. The story goes that before Zusya died, he said “When I reach the world to come, God will not ask me why I wasn’t more like Moses, God will ask me why I wasn’t more like Zusya.” We need not worry about being like others, only about being ourselves.

So this Tu B’Av, maybe this shouldn’t just be a holiday about loving others, but also a holiday about loving ourselves.

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I’m getting married! And I’m wondering if you’ll officiate. The wedding will be before sunset on Saturday and, well, my fiance/fiancee isn’t Jewish. We’re even thinking about having a minister at the ceremony was well. I’ll completely understand if you say no.

I receive emails like this one regularly. And my answer is always yes. Yes, I’m thrilled you’ve found love. yes, I will represent God, your ancestors as well as the Jewish people and sanctify your union. Yes, I’ll stand under a chuppah with you, your minister and your non Jewish fiance/fiancee and pronounce you married. Yes, I will be thrilled and honored to officiate at your wedding.

Kiddushin, the sanctification section of a wedding, the part where two lovers stand under the chuppah or wedding canopy and unite their lives foreshadows your ideal future. If you hope to be close with your families, for example, you invite your parents to stand under the chuppah with you and share in one of the cups of wine. And if a couple’s future is going to involve Judaism, then I want to stand there in that moment with them.  I want to affirm that Judaism is happy for them, that the Jewish people will welcome them into the hallowed halls of religious institutional life, should they ever choose to enter them and that that God, I truly believe, is thrilled that two people in this crazy world have found someone else to commit their life to as they embark on their lives journeys, hand in hand, arm in arm.

It’s Tu B’Av this weekend, the Jewish holiday dedicated to love. In looking through countless websites on the topic, the focus seems to be on the fear that intermarriage is eroding the future of Judaism, or on concerns about breaking Jewish law by doing a wedding before sundown or on anxiety about condoning multiple religions in one home by co officiating at a wedding. But what’s missing is a conversation the power of love. When did we take love off the table in the conversation about Jewish marriage? It feels overwhelmingly missing and in honor of our Jewish Valentine’s day, I’d like to propose we put it back in.

Because if we’re getting smarter we can see our fear of intermarriage has done more damage to the future of Jewish peoplehood than a bunch of Jews and non-Jews throwing their lots in life into the same noodle bowl together. Because I make no Jewish law requirements for my couples after they marry so why would I demand they follow halachah during a ceremony which shows a glimpse of the beautiful future they’re trying to create? And truth be told, a couple is going to do whatever they are going to do with any religion in their home if I say yes to officiating or if I say no. So I would rather say yes with all parties involved feeling warmly loved and welcomed by the Jewish people when they asked for its representative to bless their union than to be greeted with a resounding no.

I know many disagree with my stance on officiating at mixed marriages, co officiating and doing a wedding before sundown on Shabbat. Here’s the thing, I’m not a border guard. It’s not my job in my opinion to decide what’s in and what’s out or rather who’s in and who’s out. It is, I believe, my job as a rabbi is to perpetuate Jewish wisdom, to use our rich heritage for the betterment of humanity and facilitate the use of our people’s rituals for the sanctification of life’s sacred moments.

In short, it is my holy task, where there is love to always say yes.

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This past Thursday evening marked the onset of Tu B’Av, the traditional Jewish holiday celebrating love. Yet this year’s Tu B’Av was a day of profound sadness and horror: first, the stabbing of six young people at the annual Pride Parade in Jerusalem by an ultra-Orthodox man, and the next day, the “Price Tag” burning of a Palestinian family’s home in the West Bank while the family slept inside.

We mourn the death of Shira Banki, age 16, who was stabbed while marching to support her LGBT friends in the Jerusalem Pride Parade on Thursday. We mourn the death of Ali Saad Dawabsheh, age 18 months, who was burned to death in his home on Friday.

Words cannot express the sadness and outrage we feel at this time, but we must speak out. We must condemn these acts sickeningly carried out in the name of the Jewish people. We demand that our religious leaders act courageously in the face of hatred that engenders such inhumanity.

Rabbi Benny Lau, a prominent Israeli Orthodox rabbi, spoke powerfully at a rally Saturday night condemning homophobia and nationalist racism. He said, “Our responsibility in the name of Torah…is to create waves and waves of love, to free people from fear.”

As we begin a new week, we pray for the full recovery of the survivors of both attacks and rededicate ourselves to working for a more just and peaceful world.

L’Shalom,

Idit Klein                            Andrew Zelermyer
Executive Director           Chair, Board of Directors

P.S. Please turn to our good friends at the Jerusalem Open House and the New Israel Fund, to learn about their critical work in the wake of these tragedies.

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Was their search for love really as joyous as dancing freely in open fields? Or, did they all return home from dancing with anxious, churning stomachs over whomever they did or didn’t meet that day?

The single’s search for intimacy and partnership is one I’m well acquainted with. Until recently, I worked for a matchmaking company in New York, helping searching singles across the country find love, or, at least, make their search a little more bearable. Our clients varied in age, race, nationality, sexual orientation, gender identity, and political and socioeconomic status. We knew all several thousand by face, and most by name.

There was Jim, the 22-year-old screenwriter and actual lumberjack, who needed a man who could keep up with his unpredictable lifestyle. There was Ash, the 47-year-old recent divorcee, who hadn’t been on a first date in 31 years. There was Joan, the 33-year-old marketing executive, always in silver stilettos, who was ready to settle down with a nice Jewish girl. They and thousands of others came to us with rich histories and complicated relationships to dating, looking for a new approach to meeting people.

By the time I met Angela, a ballet dancer and my very last client before I left New York, she’d been on 127 first dates in New York City. (Yup, she counted). We met in my office, and she spoke at length about the challenge of meeting people.

“When I meet someone I like, it all seems worth it,” she said, slumped over her coffee and staring out the window onto traffic and unseemly scaffolding. “But, it never sticks, and with most of my friends coupled off, my dating experience is really colored by loneliness and frustration.”

The sentiment was familiar. In my 16 months as a matchmaker, I’d heard variations of this countless times. For some people, finding a life partner is easy. They meet their person in high school, or college, or on their first-ever online date, and forever have a dancing partner for clubs and weddings and open vineyards. For others, the process of weeding through the dozens or hundreds of potential matches is a dynamic experience that can test their patience, resilience, courage, and emotional strength.

I invited Angela to our photo party that night to introduce her to new single friends. Photo parties were small gatherings in our office lounge, where attendees drank free wine and posed for new headshots. They started as a way for us to rid our files of all-too-common bathroom selfies, and soon became an unexpected haven for clients to relax with new friends, swap strange dating stories, and be comforted by a community of people who understood their experiences. Sometimes people paired off at these events, but mostly, they formed new networks of friends, who supported each other.

I watched that night as Angela connected with other attendees. Her shoulders were looser and her smile was genuine. Sure, she would feel lonely and stressed again, just as she had earlier that day. In fact, she would go on dozens of dates through the service before meeting a woman she liked enough to pause her membership. But, for a few hours that night, she was surrounded by people who understood her. She was in her own personal vineyard.

This Tu B’Av, I wish those searching for partners kehila – community – and the time and space to celebrate those who love and support us throughout challenging times. Let’s celebrate not just romantic love, but the love we share with those who allow us to restore our hope, believe in ourselves, and rejoice. Chag sameach!

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Tu B’Av commemorates the day peace was restored in Israel when the young women in the Tribe of Binyamin were given permission to marry other tribes’ men. Today, it is celebrated as a Jewish day of love, similar to Valentine’s Day. But mass media’s obsession with romantic love and sexuality can be overwhelming(ly heteronormative), and can feel judgmental when consumers are being constantly bombarded with images of oversexualized products and supposed “love.” Around these times of year in particular, advertisers shove a need for validation from others down our throats to sell products, when in reality, you as an individual are good enough.

If you’re struggling to find a way to show yourself some love this Tu B’Av, it may be easier than you think. It’s not necessarily about treating yourself to a new car, or a trip to Cancun, or a 5-star 4-course meal. In a world that pushes us to focus on friendships, relationships, and careers more than our own needs, sometimes the best ways to show self-love are to take care of yourself in simple ways:

1. Take a Break From Media (As Best As You Can)

We’ve already acknowledged that the root of this conflict lies in the false expectations perpetrated by the media, so the most obvious way to combat this head-on is to consciously limit your exposure to those messages. Try turning off the TV and cellphone for an hour a day to start, and open your mind to other ways you could pass the time. Spending time doing whatever makes you happy, away from the overly sexualized, hetero-centric brainwashing techniques of advertising and marketing companies, should serve as a reminder that you can find happiness and satisfaction without validation from others.

2. Keep a Journal

Keeping a genuinely honest journal every night is a great way to work some time to yourself into your routine. Document the positive, the negative, and the prospective. Recognize your accomplishments and congratulate yourself, no matter how small your victory may seem. Reflect what didn’t go so well during the day, but turn it into a constructive criticism and realize your potential to learn and grow from adversity. Don’t forget to write down something to look ahead to, like a goal or upcoming event you’re looking forward to. Writing these things down brings them to the forefront of your mind, and makes them tangible things to appreciate about yourself.

3. Meditate

Self-awareness is the key to self-love. Loving yourself doesn’t mean pushing all negativity aside, but rather accepting yourself and all of your emotions, and learning how to manage them. Sometimes, our own thoughts can feel impossible to handle, and we can become quickly overwhelmed. Meditation is a great way to validate your feelings, but also to sort through and prioritize which really need our attention and energy. A quick Internet search should lead you to an abundance of meditation guides to follow, it’s just a matter of finding one you enjoy.

4. Give Your Body What It Needs

Your physical well-being also affects your emotional and mental well-being, so it’s important to remember when showing self-love. Your body will find a way to communicate exactly what it needs to you, and the best thing you can do is listen. Make sure you’re staying hydrated, eating a wholesome and well-balanced diet, sleeping enough, and exercising. Make small changes to your snacking habits to incorporate more non-starchy vegetables. Find a physical activity you enjoy and make time for it, even if it’s just 20 minutes a day. If that’s not your thing, try adding a 20-30 minute walk to your daily commute. Park a quarter mile from your office, or walk to the next closest subway stop. You don’t have to turn your life upside down to take better care of your body.

The key with any lifestyle change, no matter how big or small, is to motivate it with self love and nothing else. Tu B’Av is one holiday to celebrate love, but you should always practice your best self-care. At the end of the day, whether you’re single, married, or anything in between, and no matter what your gender identity or sexuality, or lack thereof, the most important (secular) person to show love to, is yourself.

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And I was denied, because of a health issue and a history that included some legal complications.

I went to visit Israel with some family, and I stood at the Kotel and cried like Hannah at Shiloh. I asked
HaShem
to bring children into my life.

I took the tour of the tunnels under the Kotel, where one can stand in that one spot closest to where the Holy of Holies stood. Usually this spot is reserved for women, so I knew it was full of the power of motherhood. And it was empty of people at that moment, so I prayed there too.

Like Sarah, like Rachel, like Rivka, and like Hannah, my prayer was answered.

It took resources, it took sacrifice, it took letters from and the support of my community, and it took good (legal) counsel, but I prevailed and was allowed to foster and then later, when that anti-gay law was changed, to adopt.

Last month I was again in Jerusalem, and with a friend who had never been, so we took the same tour through the tunnel under the Kotel. As we approached that same spot I was overcome with gratitude to G-d and love for my children, and my eyes filled with tears and I started to cry. A helpful guard thought that I was claustrophobic, and came to help me. How could I explain what I felt? But as we passed that spot, that one place in Judaism where women get a better location than the men, I could only thank G-d for all of the blessings in my life.

Tu B’av is a great day for love. For romantic love, for family love, and love for G-d and the community. I know that not everyone can (or should) parent. I know that having children is difficult for many, inside and outside the LGBT community.  But for those that are able, and willing, the love that will enter your life is beyond measure–as is my gratitude to G-d.

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If, however, you have already decided that yes, you want to observe Valentine’s Day in some way, and by gosh, you want it to be a FUNNY VALENTINE (because… Barbra, obviously, y’all!), well, you’ve come to the right place.

After enjoying some of the many Valentine’s Day hash tags this week on social media, like #ActivistPickUpLines and #SochiValentines, I decided to have a little fun with some #JewishValentines.

I started with these:

I love you more than matzoh ball soup. #JewishValentines

Can I call you sometime? My Bubbe thinks I should. #JewishValentines

Be mine! (In a progressive, egalitarian sort of way. And of course I’m asking, not telling.) #JewishValentines

Then I also started thinking about what #SouthernJewishValentines might look like:

We may be a minority within a minority, but the majority of my heart is yours. #SouthernJewishValentines

When you said “shalom y’all,” I knew we were meant to be. #SouthernJewishValentines

We may disagree on SEC teams, but we’ll always have Shabbat. #SouthernJewishValentines

So, if you’re celebrating this holiday or just giggling at it, enjoy the day – and share any great #JewishValentines or #SouthernJewishValentines you come up with on social media, to make some of your fellow Funny Valentines keep on laughing!

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Tony Kushner is a playwright and author, best known for his epic play 
Angels in America
, while Mark Harris is an author and editor whose focus has been Hollywood and cinema. So it is perhaps not that surprising that the two reported that their first dates, way back in the late ‘90s, took place “in theaters of bookstores.” In 2003, this couple had the distinction of being the first same-sex commitment ceremony to be featured in an extended column in the Vows section of wedding announcements of The New York Times. (The very first same-sex couple to be featured in The New York Times wedding announcements was another Jewish couple, Steven Goldstein and his partner Daniel Gross, on Sunday, September 1, 2002. Their wedding website www.Celebrating10.com is still up and features the original announcement. Thanks Steve for sending us this!)

They sometimes speak or present together under the title “Too Tall Blondes,” and for Kate Bornstein, author, playwright, and gender theorist, and her partner Barbara Carrellas, author, sex educator, and university lecturer, it seems a fitting title. This couple resides in New York City (with a house full of pets), but between teaching, presenting workshops, writing, and appearing in online classes, their combined reach is huge. (You can read more about Kate, one of our LGBT Jewish Heroes, here!

A Jewish power couple if ever there were one: Rabbi Sharon Kleinbaum and Randi Weingarten, head of the American Federation of Teachers, have only been romantically linked since December 2012, but they’re already a familiar site together at public events throughout New York, as well as in the Jewish press. Rabbi Kleinbaum is the rabbi at Congregation Beth Simchat Torah, one of the oldest LGBT synagogues.

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